On the happy occasion of Megan and Jonathan' marriage
At every wedding I officiate at, I like to do a general
knowledge quiz. And the quiz is basically about how much you generally know one
another. Like Mr and Mrs.
So here’s what we’re going to do. You each have two
shoes, your own shoe and one of your fiancés. I want you to face away from each
other and hold up the shoe of the person you think I am talking about.
For example if I ask “who buys the best presents?” if
Jonathan thinks he does, he has to lift up his own shoe. If he thinks Megan does,
he has to lift up her shoe – and likewise for Megan.
And we’ll all see how well you think you know each other.
This should be good for a laugh for everyone else. So are you ready?
Who is the best cook?
Who’s the better driver?
Who’s the first one to get up in the morning?
Who spends the most time in front of the mirror?
Who’s in charge of the TV remote?
Who talks the most?
Who’s the most likely to get lost?
Who’s the most likely to ask for directions?
Who is on their mobile phone the most?
Who was the first to say “I love you”?
Who’s the first to make up after an argument?
Who started the argument in the first place?
And finally, who do you love the most in the whole wide
world?
OK, very good… No you can turn round. Jonathan and Megan; I’ll be honest with you, that’s not
bad. I’ve seen worse. Two weeks ago, they agreed on about 90% which was a
record.
But I’ve got some bad news for you. Even if you had
perfect agreement on 1,000 different questions it would not be a 100% guarantee
that your marriage will be a success.
I’ve learned over the years that success in marriage does
not depend on finding the right person as much as it depends on being the right
person.
There’s a story about a husband who was hinting about what
he wanted for an upcoming milestone anniversary. He said to his wife, “I have
always dreamt of owning something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 4
seconds.” She bought him a set of weighing scales. That didn’t go down very
well.
The good news is that God wants to give you everything
you need to be the right person and for your marriage to be a happy one. All
you have to do is ask him. Seriously. If you ask, God will give you all the
patience, all the forgiveness, all the kindness, all the love you need.
That’s why the reading you chose says “a cord of three
strands is not easily broken.” When you look at a braid or a plat it appears to
contain only two strands. But you won’t find rope in the shops with only two
strands. If you did it would quickly unravel and be useless. You need a third
strand to hold the other two together. In a marriage, the third strand that
keeps husband and wife together is Jesus Christ.
Someone once said that marriage is the art of two
incompatible people learning to live compatibly. I can confirm after 33 years
of married life that that’s absolutely true. Kathie and I have virtually
nothing in common but Jesus keeps us together and we are actually happier now
than we were on our wedding day.
You are both wonderful individuals and you each have many
gifts and qualities - but in getting married you become greater than a sum of
your parts.
Your reading says, “Two are better than one, because they
have a good return for their labour.” In another version it says, “Two are
better than one, because together they can work more effectively.” It’s a bit
like a pair of scissors. One blade can cut things but scissor blades are so
much more effective when the two cutting edges work together in perfect
synergy. As husband and wife you make a team.
Then it says, “If either of them falls down, one can help
the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.” Very
few mountaineers are foolish enough to climb alone. They know that if they lose
their footing they risk plummeting to their death which is why they are always attached
to a partner. Marriage is designed to give you all the support you need when
one of you is down.
Then it says, “Also, if two lie down together, they will
keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?” It’s a bit of a struggle when you
can’t have a snuggle.
There’s a story about an elderly couple who were lying in
bed one bitterly cold night and the wife says, "Do you remember when we
were first married, you used to snuggle up to me and keep me warm on nights
like this?" He says, "Yes." And he slowly turns over and snuggles
up close. "And do you remember” she says, “how you used to nibble my ear
and whisper sweet nothings?" "I do," he says – and he sighs and
gets up out of bed. She sits up in bed. "Where are you going?"
"To get my teeth, dear."
In married life, all the masks can come down. Wives and
husbands see each other unwrapped and unadorned –physically which is beautiful
and pleasurable, but also emotionally and in our real personality.
Kathie and I know things about one another that nobody
else does. We both know all about each other’s insecurities and fears and pain
from the past too. I pray your marriage will be a safe place to reveal the real
you to one another.
And then it says, “Though one may be overpowered, two can
defend themselves.” Marriage should be a place of security. Jonathan, when you’re
in bed and you hear a strange noise downstairs, you can comfort yourself in the
knowledge that you investigated last time and it’s Megan’s turn…
Some people get married believing a myth that marriage is
like a beautiful box full of all the things they have always longed for like
companionship, intimacy, friendship, security, romance… But in fact every marriage, at the start, is an empty
box; and you have to put something in before you can take anything out.
The shocking truth is this; there is no love in marriage;
love is only in people, and people put love into marriage.There is no romance in marriage; romance is only in
people, and people have to put romance into marriage. Every couple has to learn the art, and form the habit, of
keeping the box full.
The love God has for you is the love he wants to keep
giving you for each other - and he will keep pouring it in - if you ask him for
it.
That’s the one thing I promise you today. I can’t guarantee
you happiness, or true love, or prosperity, or good health, or perfect
children, or that you’ll agree on everything (or even anything). But I promise you
now that if you ask God to give you the love he has for you for each other, he
will deliver.
I want to end with the words of a song written for
another wedding – but it’s my prayer for you both.
On
this day of happiness we have gathered here to bless
The
union of two lives in holy love
Love's
blossoming is now expressed in solemn vows and promises
With
flowers and golden rings, a wedding dress
We
look around with joy to see the smiles of friends and family
As
witness to this day
But,
best of all, a Guest unseen is here with us and, once again
Water
turns to wine
On
Jon and Megan’s wedding day we ask you Lord to stay
And
by your Spirit join these hearts together
And
from this moment on teach them your love song
That
all the world may hear a three-part harmony
Address given at Saint John's Egglescliffe, 23 July 2016
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