Godly Wisdom - Friendship (Proverbs 12.26, 14.95, 17.17, 18.24, 20.21, 22.11, 23.20-21, 27.6 and 27.9)

Introduction

I’m going to start by reading three short quotes about friendship. One is from John Lennon, one is from Jennifer Aniston and one is from Winnie the Pooh. See if you can guess which quote belongs to which personality…

Quote number 1: “There's nothing like a really loyal, dependable, good friend. Nothing.”

Quote number 2: “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.”

And quote number 3: “Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it’ll always get you the right ones.”

Well, I’ll put you out of your misery. The first was Jennifer Aniston. The second was Winnie the Pooh.

So the third was John Lennon. It’s weird that John Lennon’s parents named their son after an airport in Liverpool isn’t? But maybe that’s why his band took off…

Friendship has taken on a new dimension since social media became a thing hasn’t it? I checked last week and found to my amazement that I have 770 friends. And that’s just the ones who use Facebook.

I felt really well-liked and popular, but this morning when I checked again, guess what? The number has gone down to 769. Somebody has unfriended me. Raise your hand if it was you!

Somebody has thought to himself or herself this week, “Right, I’m removing John Lambert from my life - in one click. I don’t really care what he’s doing, his posts are annoying, and I don’t want him looking into my world anymore. Unfriend. There, that’s better!” I think I need counselling after that…

Friendship in the World and the Church

There’s an old African proverb, not in the Bible but wise advice that says, “If you want to go quickly, you travel alone, but if you want to go far, then you must travel together.”

The world has a lot to say about friendship, and so does God in the Bible.

In the Old Testament, both Abraham and Moses were called a friend of God. I wonder what it was about their life that people thought that is what they should be called? Would you call yourself a friend of God?

Friendship is a recurring theme in the Book of Proverbs, as we’ll see shortly.

When we get to the New Testament, we cannot fail to notice that Jesus built his whole ministry on friendship and community. He ate and drank with people every day and was sneeringly called “a friend of tax collectors and sinners.”

When he healed a paralysed man he said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.”

He said to his disciples, “I no longer call you servants; I have called you friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.”

Even Judas, the traitor, the thief, the defector, at the very moment when he was about to walk out and betray him, Jesus looked at him and said, “What you are about to do, do it quickly, friend.”

My mum used to take me to church when I was growing up and we used to go in, say the mass, and then go home again, having had zero human contact with anyone. That was it. Nothing more was expected. No one even really looked at each other. There was just no concept at all of fellowship or community.

But in the New Testament era Peter, Paul, John, Jude and the writer of Hebrews all address members of the churches they write to in their letters as “my dear friends.”

You see, friendship is central to building strong and healthy churches. Friendship is key. The Californian megachurch pastor Rick Warren once said, “People are not looking for a friendly church. They are looking for a church where they can make friends.”

In other words, people don’t want to belong to a church that’s all talk and big smiles. Every church likes to think it’s warm and welcoming. But people are looking for more than a handshake at the door when they come in; they want friendship, relationship and companionship – other people with whom they can do life.

Proverbs on Friendship

If you’ve been away over the last couple of weeks, we’ve been looking at the Book of Proverbs in the Bible and we’ve seen that it’s a practical book of Godly wisdom for everyday life.

Proverbs are perceptive but common-sense observations about the way life works out most of the time. As we saw a couple of weeks ago, you can always find rare exceptions, but exceptions make the rule. 99 times out of 100, things go a certain way.

The Proverbs teach that generally speaking, on the whole, things tend to work out OK for wise people who work hard, who watch their words, who are prudent with money, who eat and drink in moderation, and who make moral choices according to the Maker’s Instructions.

And if an entire country is led to live righteously that nation will tend to prosper and thrive. That’s why in Proverbs 14 it says, “Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.”

You can usually tell which countries are enjoying God’s favour and which are under his judgment by assessing how stable they are and noting what sort of standards are held in honour. I’ll leave you to make up your own mind about where you think we are at the moment.

It’s not a coincidence that the fortunes of Israel were at their height during the reign of David, their best king; a flawed king certainly, but the one with a heart for God.

Solomon, his heir who wrote many of these Proverbs down, spoke them as fatherly advice to his son. Which is ironic as Solomon didn’t really listen to his own dad, King David. Instead, the generation after Solomon followed his lead; there was civil war and idolatry and after a few hundred years Israel lost everything.

“Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.”

But we’re looking at Proverbs on the theme of friendship today. And there’s quite a lot in there about that subject.

I’m going to list five qualities of a good friend; a good friend is frank with you, gives you good advice, cares about you, inspires you and is always there for you. I’ve alliterated them as candour, counsel, care, character and constancy.

I want you to ask God two questions as I go through this list. The first question is “Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?” And the second is “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

1. Candour

The first quality of a good friend, I’ll call candour. A good friend will tell you the truth and be frank with you, even if it’s hard to say and painful to hear.

Proverbs 27.6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

That verse always reminds me of Judas…

If you’ve ever had to have surgery, you know that it’s a very uncomfortable experience. You have to have anaesthetic, which is no small matter. You are sliced open with a sharp knife. Your internal organs are messed about with. They stitch you, or staple you, back together. Then, you are sore for days, sometimes weeks.

But a surgeon, cuts you not to harm you but to heal you, and real friends are not afraid to do likewise. True friends love you too much to watch you make a mess of your life so they are able to be brutally honest with you.

John Wimber used to say, “One question you never want to ask God is, ‘what’s wrong with me?’ – because he’ll tell you.” That’s because he loves you.

What a friend we have in Jesus; Jesus didn’t pamper or indulge his disciples. When it was necessary, he set them right. He didn’t get angry with them, but he did tell them the uncomfortable truth about themselves, even if it stung at times.

“Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?” “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

2. Counsel

Secondly, counsel - a good friend will give you valuable advice.

Proverbs 27.9 says, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”

Someone I know accompanied a friend of his, who was a new Christian, to the hospital – and he’d never been in before so he was a bit nervous. He was given a form to fill in which asked “What religion are you?” Well, he wasn’t into all these Catholic, Church of England or Methodist labels. He said, “I’m just a Christian” and he didn’t really know which box to tick.

So he asked his friend, “What do you think I should put?” His friend said, “My advice is to check out the chaplaincy team on the hospital website and either write down the religion of the one who looks most likely to cheer you up in the Lord, or the one who most looks like he needs witnessing to!” That’s good advice.

Kathie is invaluable for advice. She just has a sixth sense for the right thing to do. Should I phone? Should I phone now, even though it’s late? Would a card be better? Is this card appropriate? Do you think I should wear a tie? Flowers, chocolates or a bottle of wine? What do you think? She saves me from a million calamities. 

Actually, she accidentally slammed the car boot on my head on Friday, so she creates the odd calamity as well, but it’s a small price to pay…

What a friend we have in Jesus; they came to him all confused in private and asked him stuff and he patiently set them right.

“Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?” “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

3. Care

Thirdly, care - a good friend will have your best interests at heart.

Proverbs 12.26 says, “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

Good friends inspire you and improve you because they want what’s good for you and, because they care about you and take an interest in you; you matter to them.

Other friends will just lead you astray. They don’t really care about you at all. 

What a friend we have in Jesus; he cared about the leper, about the woman caught in adultery, about the blind beggar, about the widow about to bury her son, and everybody else. He looked out on the crowds and had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd.

“Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?” “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

4. Character

Fourthly, character – a good friend’s better qualities will rub off on you.

How many times has it been said in a court of law, “Your honour, it all started when I fell into the wrong crowd”?

Proverbs 23.20-21 says, “Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.”

The friends we choose have a significant impact on us, for better or for worse. My parents used to smile when I brought home friends who they thought would be a good influence on me.

But, as it says in 1 Corinthians, “bad company corrupts good character.” Once, when I was about 16, I graffitied an entire train carriage with a mate of mine. I never would have done that alone, or with any of my better friends. So most of the time my parents would frown because they saw the kids I hung out with as a bad influence on me.

What a friend we have in Jesus; on the very last night before he died, he looked back over the three years he had spent with his disciples and he said to them, “You have already been pruned and purified by the word I have spoken to you.”

His character rubbed off on them so much so that several weeks later when they were turning Jerusalem upside down, people said, “Ah, these people have been with Jesus.”

“Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?”  “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

5. Constancy

And the fifth quality of a good friend is constancy - a good friend will be there for you in trouble and not let you down.

Proverbs 17.17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

A young woman who had just come to faith asked the great Victorian preacher C.H. Spurgeon, “How many of my friends should I give up now I am a believer?” He said, “Don’t bother, they’ll give up on you soon enough.”

I lost quite a few of my friends pretty quickly after I became a Christian. I must be honest and admit that I was very full of zeal and a bit insensitive as a new believer. So, it was largely my fault.

But the best friends are loyal and stick by you. They don’t give up on you. They believe in you. Even if you disappoint them, they forgive you and restore you. True, deep, real friendships are a fantastic defence in times of discouragement.

Proverbs 18.24 says, “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

If you know the Bible well, think of David and Jonathan or Ruth and Naomi; deep supportive friendships; nothing could separate them.

And what a friend we have in Jesus; his last words to his followers in Matthew’s Gospel were, “I will be with you till the end of the age.”

“Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?” “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

Ending

As I close, I want to mention a man called Dale Carnegie, who developed training courses in interpersonal skills. He had a lot to say about how you make friends and influence people. In fact, he wrote a book called exactly that, and I’m sure you’ve heard of it.

One of the things he said is, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Now, that’s not in the Bible, but it’s wise advice. You take an interest in others, instead of being absorbed in your own world, and you watch how your friendships grow and deepen.

Jesus exemplifies that. However stretched he was, he always seemed to have time for people. Wealthy people like Levi, beggars like Bartimaeus, whores like Mary Magdalene, crooks like Zacchaeus, intellectuals like Nicodemus, Romans like the centurion, widows, children, labourers, lawyers… you name it…

What sort of friend does God want you to be? Who is he calling you to befriend?

Proverbs 22.11; “One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a friend.” Maybe even the King of kings…

Let’s pray…

Sermon preached at All Saints Preston on Tees, 24 March 2019

Godly Wisdom - Work (Proverbs 6.6-8, 10.4-5, 12.11, 13.4, 15.19, 21.25-26, 24.27 and 26.13-14)

Introduction

In November 1991 a man named Dan Gookin published a book called DOS for Dummies. It was a step-by-step guide, in non-technical language, to Microsoft’s Disc Operating System. 

It became a massive commercial success because it was the first really simple beginners’ manual in plain English on home computing. Technical terms and acronyms were explained in a way a child could grasp. There were cartoons. There was a glossary. There was humour. People loved it and other titles, all of them focused on software and technology, quickly followed.

But soon afterwards they branched out into more general-interest topics like Fishing for Dummies, Slimming for Dummies, Bass Guitar for Dummies, British History for Dummies, Handling Your Money for Dummies, Parenting for Dummies, Anger Management for Dummies and even Happiness for Dummies.

There are thousands of titles in the series published now in many languages. For Dummies books are loved because they spell out sometimes really complex ideas in plain language so that ordinary people can understand and learn. It’s wisdom for everyone.

Proverbs – Everyday Wisdom

The Book of Proverbs in the Bible is God’s Living Wisely for Dummies. There are no confusing theological terms in Proverbs like sanctification or soteriology or eschatological or premillennial dispensationalism. You don’t need a Theological College degree to understand it. There’s no ivory tower theory in Proverbs. It’s about everyday life. It tells you how life works. It’s godly common sense.

And it uses vivid, earthy language that everyone gets to convey God’s thoughts about living wisely. Here are two good examples… From chapter 11; “Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman with no good sense.” Everybody I’m sure can bring to mind a mental image of someone they know a bit like that.

Then this one from chapter 27; “If anyone loudly blesses their neighbour early in the morning, it will be taken as a curse.” This is the super-spiritual but insensitive young Christian who needs to learn a bit of tact if he’s going to become any use at witnessing.

Proverbs calls a spade “a spade”.

·         It talks about good choices and bad ones

·         It talks about work and laziness

·         It talks about speaking words that bring death or that give life

·         It talks about controlling your temper and losing it 

·         It talks about people to choose as friends and people you can’t trust

·         It talks about how to raise children well and badly

·         It talks about fearing the Lord or living as a fool

Those are really good life skills.

Lent and Proverbs

Four days ago, it was Ash Wednesday, the day that marks the beginning of Lent. Some Christians sneer a bit at the idea of man-made seasons like Lent, Advent and Epiphany and I get that – I know, the word Lent is nowhere found in the Bible. But I actually think the idea of Lent is biblical.

Because even in the Old Testament, God called his people at times to observe holy fasts. He led them into seasons of brokenness, to lament their sins in sackcloth and ashes.

In the New Testament, when John the Baptist came, he preached repentance and self-denial with a ceremony of cleansing and penance – and Jesus commended him as the greatest man who ever lived.

The Apostle James wrote to a church living in luxury and self-indulgence to examine themselves, and to weep and wail about their indifference towards the poor. The Apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 9, “I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should.” The Lord Jesus himself of course often went off to solitary places to pray and, as we know, he fasted for 40 days in the desert.

That fast, when Jesus was tempted by the devil, is what the whole idea of Lent is based on; it is about walking in the Lord’s footsteps as we get ready to reflect deeply and intently on his sufferings, his death for us and his resurrection.

Lent is a practical season in the church’s year. Since quite early times, Christian people have used the weeks before Easter for spiritual discipline and training in righteousness - a few weeks set apart to spend more time on praying, fasting, Bible study, giving and so on.

That’s why we’re doing a short series on Book of Proverbs. Because, as I’ve just said, it’s a very practical, hands-on book.

One really important thing I need to say about proverbs, right away, is that they are proverbs and not promises. In other words, they tell you how life works most of the time but not all the time.

Too many cooks… spoil the broth. That means that people often get in each other’s way if there are too many in one place at the same time. We’ve all been there. Too many cooks spoil the broth but, on the other hand, many hands make… light work.

Too many cooks spoil the broth and many hands make light work are both generally true, but not always; in fact, they contradict each other. So, which is best? A big team of volunteers or a small one? It depends – and wise people know what it depends on.

So, proverbs tell you how things work out in life most of the time. Even the proverbs in the Bible (and I say this as one who believes in the inspiration and trustworthiness of Scripture) even proverbs in the Bible are not always true, all the time. There are exceptions. Don’t worry about the exceptions – learn the rule.

Here’s an example from our selection today: Proverbs 12.11 says “Those who work their land will have abundant food, but those who chase fantasies have no sense.”

That’s a proverb, not a promise. If we take it as a promise from God, what about the diligent, hardworking farmer whose crops get totally destroyed by freak weather? Will she have abundant food? No.

And what about the man who chases the fantasy of winning the Euro-Millions lottery and happens upon the one in a hundred-million winning ticket? Is he chasing fantasies? No, he is fabulously wealthy even though he did nothing to earn it. 

But those are rare exceptions. They are so uncommon they are actually newsworthy. The general rule, that usually works out, that never makes the news, is that godly, upright, hardworking, wise people usually do well. Almost always. And godless, immoral, lazy and foolish people usually don’t do well. Hardly ever, in fact.

Work and Laziness

Today, we’re going to look at some of the proverbs on the subject of work. Proverbs has a lot to say about it which is good, because we spend about 65% of our waking life at work between the ages of 20 and 70.

But many of us who are unpaid are just as busy as those in paid employment; stay at home mums (and dads), activists putting leaflets though people’s doors, students, bloggers, retired people with a ministry or a hobby, community volunteers etc. 

So I want to define work in the widest possible sense today; not just those of us who have a pay packet for a 9-5 occupation. Work is how we spend our time productively and fruitfully.

Sometimes, people ask me what I do for a living. It’s quite funny watching the disappointment or panic on their faces when I tell them I’m a vicar.

Someone on a plane once asked J. John, the evangelist, what he did for a living. He said, “Oh, I work for a multinational enterprise. We have branches in every country in the world. We care for our clients from birth to death. We specialise in heart transplants. Our company manual is the world’s best-selling book. We run hospitals, feeding stations, crisis pregnancy centres, schools, publishing houses, and nursing homes.”

The person sitting next to him said, “Wow. That sounds amazing. What’s the name of your company again?”

J. John said, “Wait, I haven’t finished yet. Our product is free for anyone who asks. Our founding CEO was born in a nowhere town, didn't own a home, was misunderstood by his family, hated by enemies, was unjustly killed, but then rose from the dead! I talk with him every day. The organisation is called the Church, would you like to join?”

That sounds so much better than, “Oh, I’m a vicar in Stockton on Tees.”

There’s an English proverb that says “a woman’s work is never done”, and I’m sure that’s generally true, but it’s true of men too, by and large. Somebody once asked a farmer what was the hardest thing about milking cows," He said, “the hardest thing about milking cows is that they never stay milked."

There are always things to be done. We’re never finished. But work to do is a blessing from God and his mandate for us all is to fill the earth and subdue it.

Gardening, educating, tidying, organizing, caring, designing, cleaning and mending are all good, all work, all God’s will for us and the Proverbs say over and over again that he wants us to be industrious and productive and conscientious.

Fourteen times in the Proverbs there is a reference to the sluggard. It means bone-idle, lazy, always slacking and slothful, dozy, shiftless, slow-moving, apathetic and indifferent. 

Sluggards just languidly slope about, drink tea and run down the clock - with little or nothing to show for their labours at the end of the day.

Five of the eight verses today speak about this sluggard.

Firstly, in 6.6-8 it says, “Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest.”

Harvester ants, which are the most common in Israel, are incredibly industrious and organised creatures. They never seem to stop. They work in teams. They actually adapt their foraging behaviour according to how dry or humid the atmosphere is so they maximize their efficiency.

In exceptionally dry conditions they metabolize fats from seeds to obtain water so even in a prolonged drought they never go thirsty.

They are also great for their micro-environment. They increase seed dispersal and protection, and they provide nutrients that increase seedling survival rates of desert plants.

They also provide aerate the soil through the creation of galleries and chambers, they intermingle deep and upper earth layers and they add organic refuse into the soil.

Proverbs says to every bone-idle, work-shy sluggard just lounging around and nicking a living, “Take a look at that ant colony over there; they haven’t even got a boss paying them a good wage but they’re working hard and saving a bit for a rainy day.”

On the whole, the way life works is this; if you always do an honest day’s work and don’t fritter your money away but put a little by when you can, you’ll do OK.

Proverbs 10.4-5 puts it like this; “Lazy hands make for poverty, but diligent hands bring wealth. He who gathers crops in summer is a prudent son, but he who sleeps during harvest is a disgraceful son.”

Or put it another way, God graciously gives the birds everything they need for their homes in the trees - but they build the nest.

Two of today’s proverbs actually seem to say that living as a sluggard can have a physical side effect.

Proverbs 13.4 says, “A sluggard’s appetite is never filled, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.” 300 computer games and 80 multipacks of crisps later, the sluggard still hasn’t got round to doing anything useful.

And Proverbs 21.25-26 says, “The craving of a sluggard will be the death of him, because his hands refuse to work. All day long he craves for more, but the righteous give without sparing.”

You see, the sluggard is always saying, “I’ll do it tomorrow.” I’ll fix those shelves on Wednesday. I’ll visit that sick neighbour next week. I’ll get round to it. Everything sounds like nagging to sluggards because their natural instinct is to dither and put things off. They have no work ethic.

We can poke fun at the sluggard a bit, but the Bible teaches that all of us are in danger of becoming sluggards. Procrastination is a habit we will all slide into unless we fight it.

In Proverbs 26.13-14 the sluggard comes up with a great excuse for not going to work. Listen to what it says: “A sluggard says, “There’s a lion in the road, a fierce lion roaming the streets!” As a door turns on its hinges, so a sluggard turns on his bed.”

Sluggards make excuses. “I’m really busy” – no, you’re not. “I’ve got quite a lot on this week” – no you haven’t, otherwise you wouldn’t be on Facebook all day. “I’m a bit tired” – yeah, but what time did you go to bed last night?

“As a door turns on its hinges, so a sluggard turns on his bed.” Back and forth he shifts, rolling from one side of the bed to another, going nowhere in life, like an old door creaking on a hinge.

Sometimes, just occasionally, lazy people get away with it. But ninety-nine times out of a hundred, lazy people get nothing done, become unfit, lack any sense of direction or purpose and tragically waste their lives, always making excuses.

Or as it says in Proverbs 15.19, “The way of the sluggard is blocked with thorns, but the path of the upright is a highway.”

In other words, a lazy, unfulfilled life is a frustrated life. It’s blocked with thorns. But the path of the upright is a highway. What it’s saying is this: if you live right, things tend to open up for you, in any case more than if you just drift around aimlessly with no focus.

And don’t tell me you’re too old either! On 27 June 2001 The Daily Telegraph carried an article about Sheila Cramp, a 65 year-old blind grandmother who was concerned about the state of repair of her local church in Ramsgate.

What did she do to help? Though she hadn’t driven for 20 years due to her disability, she decided she would drive an Audi TT Roadster at 140 mph around the circuit at Brands Hatch, relying solely on radio communications with her instructor. She said afterwards, “I truly couldn’t see anything. I was concentrating on the voice telling me what to do. The G-forces were tremendous. I could really feel the pressure!”

She’s inspirational, isn’t she?

Ending

The last proverb I want to look at today is 24.27 which says this: “Put your outdoor work in order and get your fields ready; after that, build your house.”

What’s this one about? It’s about living with the right priorities. Getting your work in order and getting the fields ready are about making sure, as far as you possibly can, that you have the income you need to live.

Think ahead, plan carefully, work diligently and budget responsibly. Only then is it wise to start a family, or splash out on a new kitchen, or get a TV the size of a door. Godly common sense is to live with your priorities in the right order.

And the biggest priority of all in life is to make sure that Jesus is at the centre of it.

Colossians 3 says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

Put your faith in Jesus today. As that blind grandmother put all her trust in the voice of her instructor as she hurtled round tht race track, trust God’s word.

Place your work, paid or voluntary, into his hands today and ask him to magnify its significance for his kingdom.

Let’s pray...


Sermon preached at All Saints' Preston on Tees, 10 March 2019