Grieving with Hope

Bereavement Service Address based on 1 Thessalonians 4.13-15

Introduction

We live in an age of widespread ignorance about what happens to people after death.

A former England football manager was sacked for his sincere belief that disabled people were being punished for indiscretions of a previous life. People often talk (especially when children die) about them becoming an angel or a new star in the sky. Others say things like “Granddad’s looking out for us now from up there”, or “Grandma hasn’t really gone, it’s just like she’s in the next room or is in the wind.” I’m sure you’ve heard this kind of thing said at funerals or written in condolence cards.

There has always been a wide range of contradictory and competing ideas about what happens to us after we die. But the Christian vision of these things has always been clear.

So when the Apostle Paul attempts to explain it all he starts off by saying “We do not want you to be ignorant [or uninformed] about those who sleep in death.”

Non-Christian Attitudes to Death

Probably the dominant belief about death in Britain today is that death has the final word and there is nothing to say afterwards. There is no life after death, This life is all there is to live for, and there is no hope of anything else, better or worse, beyond the grave.

Most people think that when we die, that’s it. There’s nothing on the other side and within two generations – at best – we’ll be forgotten. It’s portrayed as a grown-up way of looking at things, leaving behind the superstitions of our more gullible ancestors.

But having no hope and seeing no meaning in life are not unique to modern, secular countries like ours. It has been expressed in many other cultures in the past.

In Bible times, as today, there were many ideas doing the rounds about death.

Here are some of the statements that have been found from the ancient Greek world into which Paul was writing this letter.

There’s a tombstone not far from Thessalonica with the inscription “I was not, I came, I am not, I care not.” That’s an honest summary of the world’s hope – or lack of it – without Christ.

The Greek playwright Aeschylus said: “Once a man dies, there is no resurrection.”

The poet Theocritus wrote: “There is hope only for those who are alive, but those who have died are without hope.” (We still say today “Where there’s life, there’s hope” which comes from this quotation).

The Roman lyricist Catullus wrote: “When once our brief light sets, there is one perpetual night through which we must sleep.”

And here’s an extract from a letter of sympathy sent by someone to a friend grieving a close relative around 2,000 years ago. “I was sorry and wept over the departed one… but nevertheless against such things as death one can do nothing. Therefore comfort one another.”

The tone is one of resignation. It speaks quite pitifully about those whose job it is to console - but who have no consolation to offer.

As our country increasingly turns away from its Christian past, it’s not surprising that it’s more and more common to hear this sort of approach today. The British Humanist Association’s slogan is “For the one life we have.”

Because humanists don’t fear hell or yearn for heaven, they try to make a virtue of having no hope, no expectation, no wish, of anything beyond the grave. So when someone dies, all you can really do is dispose of the body, say a few nice things, and take care of each other as best you can. And that’s it.

An increasingly common thing I hear when preparing a funeral is “He or she would have wanted you to be happy, so we’re going to wear bright colours and celebrate their life instead.”

In every life, there is so much to celebrate, so much to be thankful for and so I think this is good.

But when people say “Don’t be upset, don’t cry, they would have hated to see people sad,” though I know people mean well, it doesn’t help us come to terms with what has happened.

Grieving properly, with real tears, is natural for us and it is actually unhealthy to bottle everything all up and force a smile. We need an emotional outlet. It helps us move towards closure. There is great healing in grieving well.

So notice the Bible never says here, “Don’t grieve.” It says don’t “grieve like the rest, who have no hope.”

Christian Attitudes to Death

I mentioned just now an ancient sympathy letter offering little solace. Archaeologists have unearthed another letter of condolence, dating back to the same time, in which the tone is quite different.

Because this time it’s about Christian funerals, and it reads as follows: “If any righteous person among them passes from the world they rejoice and offer thanks to God; and they escort the body as if he were setting out from one place to another nearby.”

Christian funerals have a totally different feel to them.

A funeral director was asked recently “What is the difference between Christian homes and others where there has been bereavement. Have you noticed any difference at all?” He paused and thought for a few moments and replied, “Yes there is one difference I have noticed again and again. Something that is only true of Christians and it’s this: however tragic the circumstances of the death, I have never found resentment or bitterness. I’ve found that elsewhere, but never in a Christian home.”

Christian deaths are distinctive too. I’ve accompanied Christians in their dying days and so often I have marvelled at the peace that descends on a believer as death approaches. Psalm 116 says “Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his faithful servants.”

People sometimes ask me what it will be like when we die. Of course, I don’t know exactly – how could I? – but I sometimes wonder if we all know what it’s like more than we think we do.

Because my guess is, reading my Bible, that it’s much like falling asleep – something we’ve all done thousands of times before and indeed every day. We fall asleep, only this time, we wake up in a different place.

The Bible often speaks of the death of believers as sleep or rest. In modern English, even in secular contexts, we say “Rest in peace” – that comes from our Christian past. Paul uses that language three times in the short passage we read.

But the New Testament never speaks of Jesus’ death as “falling asleep.” It insists repeatedly that Jesus actually died; he breathed his last, he surrendered his spirit and was independently certified as dead. His lifeless corpse was physically handled by several witnesses as it was removed from the cross and laid in a tomb.

God didn’t wake him from sleep; he raised him from death, on the third day. The tomb was empty and he was seen alive by hundreds of eye witnesses.

There is one reason, and only one reason, why Christian attitudes to dying and death are so different; the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.

So our passage continues: “We believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.” 

Conclusion

If you’re a Christian, there is no need for fear in death. It’s just a doorway into a new reality that outshines anything this life has to offer.

True, we cry, we feel the pain of loss, we mourn, we grieve.

But there’s no despair of never meeting them again, quite the opposite.

But if we grieve it is for ourselves, not for our loved one. They’re not missing anything, they’re much better off. For as the Scripture says, to live is Christ, to die is gain.

So let me invite you to renew your faith in the risen Christ – and grieve with hope.

Sermon preached at Saint Mary's Long Newton, 3rd November 2013