Tom and Audrey, congratulations! 50 years of marriage is a significant milestone. We salute you both for staying the distance, staying faithful and staying in love.
Though we wouldn’t know it from looking at your own successful and marriage, there is a legendary rivalry that is supposed to exist between the sexes. It is celebrated in a thousand funny stories and one-liners.
So, says Rona, “If we can send a man to the moon, why not just send them all?”
Nancy talks about how she and her other half decide to go on holiday. “My husband said to me that he wanted to spend his holidays in a place he’d never been before. I said, ‘Right, how about the kitchen?’”
And Caroline sums up the married man in one sentence; “A husband; that’s the guy who supports you through all those problems you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t married him.”
But if men are supposed to be lazy, unromantic, insensitive, only ever think about one thing and never ask for directions, women (I’ve heard) take forever to get ready, overspend on the credit card, can’t read maps and talk too much.
You know the story about the vicar with the dentures… The first Sunday after he gets his false teeth, he preaches for four minutes. The second Sunday, he preaches for six minutes. The third Sunday, his sermon lasts 2 hours and 48 minutes. The congregation has to eject him from the pulpit and ask what’s going on. So the vicar explains that the first Sunday, his gums hurt so badly he couldn't talk for more than 4 minutes. The second Sunday his gums still hurt and he couldn’t speak for longer than 6 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and couldn't shut up...
Tom and Audrey, I’m sure you’d be massaging the truth if you were to say that it’s been a blissful half century of uninterrupted ecstasy.
Every marriage needs a considerable investment of energy if it is going to work. And yours clearly has. I am sure your Christian faith has played a big part in making your marriage a success.
Our first reading today is a brilliant model for married life. It says;
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
A man chooses a woman and asks her out. A woman chooses to agree to his proposal of marriage. That’s the way it usually works. Husband and wife choose each other.
But it says here that Christians are chosen by God to be his people. Christians know that God has decided to love them even when they are unlovable. So we know that love is more than an emotion or a feeling. Christians know that love is first and foremost a choice. And as we choose to love and go on loving, we learn what love really is and it’s there that we experience love’s greatest riches.
As Christians we learn over time, and to our dismay, that we are more sinful and flawed in ourselves than we ever dared believe. But at the very same time we discover that we are more loved and accepted in Jesus Christ than we ever dared hope.
This is why the New Testament compares the love of a husband and wife to the relationship between Christ and his people, the church. God chooses to love us and he determines to never give up on us.
On your wedding day, I suppose that Tom put on his best suit, polished his shoes, had a spotless, ironed shirt and made sure he was clean shaved. Audrey will have had her hair beautifully arranged and will have put on her radiant, white wedding dress. You will have wanted to look your very best. This will not have been a day for stubble, yesterday’s t-shirt, scruffy jeans and trainers. It wouldn’t have been appropriate.
God describes the way we act towards each other in all our relationships (including throughout married life) as being like the clothes we select from the wardrobe each morning. Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience the Bible says. Put on love.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you it says.
Interestingly, Paul mentions forgiveness twice; I’m tempted to say once for Tom and once for Audrey! Because, as you have learned, I’m sure, it doesn’t work if one of you forgives, while the other seethes with resentment.
There was once a man who talked down to his wife at a party. Next morning he felt bad and asked her to forgive him. She said she would, but she kept bringing it up. He said, “I thought you were going to forgive and forget.” She said, “Oh, I have, I just don't want you to forget that I have forgiven and forgotten!”
Forgiveness is reciprocal. And once an issue is forgiven, you choose to forget as well.
And finally, the reading says this: Over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
How would we define love? Well, together, you may not quite define love, but you do very eloquently illustrate it.
Perhaps for a working definition of love we should look to children for wisdom.
A group of children were once asked, “What does ‘love’ mean?” Here are some answers:
Nathan, 7, says, “Love is what’s in the room at Christmas, if you stop opening presents and listen.”
Jessica, 8, says, “You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you do mean it, you should say it a lot.”
Tommy, 7, says, “Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.”
Happy anniversary, Tom and Audrey.
Sermon preached at Saint Mary's Long Newton, 29th January 2012.
I, Tom, took you, Audrey, to be my wife,
to have and to hold
from that day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish,
till death us do part,
according to God's holy law.
In the presence of God I renew this vow.
I, Audrey, took you, Tom, to be my husband,
to have and to hold
from that day forward;
for better, for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love, cherish, and obey,
till death us do part,
according to God's holy law.
In the presence of God I renew this vow.
God the Father,
God the Son,
God the Holy Spirit,
bless, preserve and keep you;
the Lord mercifully grant you the riches of his grace,
that you may please him both in body and soul,
and, living together in faith and love,
may receive the blessings of eternal life. Amen
Sermon preached at Saint Mary's Long Newton, 30th January 2012
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