The Kingdom of Heaven Belongs to Such as These (Matthew 19.13-15)

Introduction

 

One of my earliest memories is from when I must have been about three years old. My little brother would have been one, perhaps just under. And I clearly remember, in the middle of the night, lying awake and suddenly feeling inspired. 

I crept into the kitchen, filled a jug with cold water, went back into the bedroom and tipped the lot all over my baby brother as he slept. I have no idea why I did that. I can only say that it seemed like a tremendous idea at the time. 

Anyway, Richard shrieked and pulled himself up on the bars of his cot, dripping, and blinking water out of his big brown eyes. It was then that I heard the ominous sound of my dad’s footsteps. So I hid under my brother’s cot. 

He walked into the bedroom, saw my drenched little brother, and the empty jug, and then noticed my feet sticking out from under the cot. So he pulled me out to face the music. “What is all this?” he said. I looked down at my soaked and shivering little brother. And I looked up at my dad. And all I could think of saying was, “he must have wet himself.”

Most of my earliest childhood memories are of similar misdemeanours. Like the time I tipped a pack of flour out of the upstairs window intending to trick my mum downstairs into thinking it was snowing. Amazingly, that didn’t work. She wasn’t fooled at all.

Or the time I brought a dead mouse I had found outside into the kitchen. And digging it up again and keeping it as my secret pet after my mum had buried it in the garden. 

Or when I put a drawing pin on my sister’s chair. I don’t want to talk about how she took that. I’ve still got the scars.

I’m sure you can point to similar transgressions from your own childhood. Children can be, and often are, quite naughty. 

So what did Jesus mean when he said “the kingdom of heaven belongs to those who are like children”?

Let’s read the passage and see if we can get to the bottom of it. We’re looking at just three verses today; and it’s Matthew 19.13-15.

 

One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could lay his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him. But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the kingdom of heaven belongs to those who are like these children.” And he placed his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left.

Prayer...

 

The disciples – off message again

So this is a pretty straightforward account of parents who are approaching Jesus with their little ones. Matthew begins with the words, “One day…” So this is a different occasion altogether from the tense confrontation over divorce and remarriage that we looked at last week. This is a much happier scene.

Jesus’ charisma is attracting parents with their children in the hope that he will even briefly interact with them. You can easily picture the mums and dads with their children hovering around Jesus and his entourage. You can almost hear the sounds of children playing as they wait. 

Those of you who are parents, wouldn't you be eager for the Lord to give some time and attention for your children? Of course you would. Wow! 

 

And this seems like the perfect moment. There is not a Pharisee anywhere to be seen, so no one is expecting a bitter argument to break out and escalate. There are no demon-possessed individuals shrieking and making a scene today. There is no disturbed herd of pigs waiting to stampede off a cliff. All is calm. It’s a great day. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. What could possibly go wrong?

And just as we might be wondering about this, Matthew makes this ominous observation; ah yes, but the disciples are there. And instantly, the atmosphere is spoiled by these jarring words, “but the disciples scolded the parents for bothering him.” 

These unsuspecting mums and dads find themselves on the receiving end of a frosty reprimand, an unfriendly rebuke, by Jesus’ hapless followers. These are not the guys you want anywhere near your welcome team. 
Standing between these children and Jesus, like the Berlin Wall, are twelve self-appointed bouncers. 

They know that children cry easily and they cry a lot. They know that kids ask you to read them stories when you’re busy. They’re messy eaters. They want you to play with them when you’re exhausted. They are always wide awake inconveniently early. They generate seepage from every conceivable orifice, and you have to clean them up.

 
So the disciples think they are doing Jesus a big favour when they speak harshly to these parents, saying, “Get these brats away from here.” If it were today, I reckon they’d be saying, “What do you think this is, mate, Santa’s Grotto? Get lost, Jesus is a VIP. He hasn’t got time to waste on your snotty offspring.” 

As far as they are concerned, Jesus is not going to be inconvenienced by hyperactive kids on their watch. 

As Michael explained a few weeks ago, in those days and in that culture, children were not valued at all. There is no Walt Disney or Peppa Pig in Jesus’ world. There are no play areas with swings and slides and seesaws. Children are disparaged as silly, easily-led and messy. Until their Bar Mitzvah at the age of 12 they go completely unnoticed. No self-respecting rabbi would waste his time on them. 

But, as usual, Jesus takes the cultural expectations of his day, and he hammers them to a pulp. Verse 14; “But Jesus said, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the kingdom of heaven belongs to those who are like these children.”

And Mark adds another detail, not present in Matthew. When Jesus sees that they are shooing the kids away, Mark says, “he was indignant.” There is something conspicuous about how this incident annoys him. It really ticks him off. This is the only time in all four Gospels when Jesus is described as being indignant. This particularly exasperates him. 

When he sees what is going on, he says, “No! The children stay. Let them come. Don’t stop them.” Jesus is once again setting culture. And it is radically different to anything anyone has seen before. 

“You think that the kingdom of God is only for sophisticated grown-ups? You’ve got it so wrong. I want to see them and I want them to see me because the kingdom of Heaven belongs to those who are like them.” 

Which raises an important question. Is Jesus really saying here that all children naturally belong in the kingdom of God? It seems that's what he's saying. 

Many people read this statement and think that Jesus, with these words, is drawing attention to the many and diverse virtues of children. Qualities like innocence and humility and trust and purity. Is that what he is saying? 

What it means to receive the kingdom like a child is actually not obvious for us, because generally, in our society, we tend to idealise children as innocent little angels. 

But, lest there be any doubt, my observation is that the tendency to romanticise small children for their innocence and goodness is virtually never found among their parents.

We have four children, and all of them learned the word “no” some time before they learned the word “yes.” It wasn’t their willpower that summed up the toddler phase; it was their “won’t power.” They all had it in spades.

We never had to teach our children to lie but they all got the hang of it no problem. We certainly had to train them to tell the truth, and it was hard work. We never had to teach them to be rude; that seemed to come naturally. We did have to patiently train them to be polite. “Say please, say thank you…” We never had to teach them to fight and snatch toys from each other. But we did have to train them to play nicely.

All parents have the doctrine of inherited sin and human fallenness, displayed and confirmed for them on a daily basis by their kids. All children can be, without a doubt, sweet and adorable. But they are a consistent, living reminder and proof of what the Bible affirms when it says, “All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” 

Nevertherless, Jesus needs to correct the disciples’ wrong-headed belief that children cannot grasp anything spiritual until they become adults. It’s the exact opposite. The truth is that we adults will never grasp anything spiritual unless, in some ways, we become like children.

So what is it about little ones that Jesus says is so necessary to imitate? Jesus is not drawing our attention to their righteousness or their goodness. He’s drawing our attention to their neediness. To their utter dependence on another. To the self-evident truth that they are weak, with no sense of their own importance. 

New Testament scholar James R. Edwards says it so well; “A little child has absolutely nothing to bring,” he says, “and whatever the child receives, he or she receives by grace on the basis of sheer neediness rather than by any merit inherent in him or herself.” 

Children, in Jesus’ society, as we have noted, had no status. The first century world was not child oriented in the way ours is. Children in our own society are not earners. Children earn nothing and need everything. That is why the kingdom of heaven belongs to those who are like small children.

A pastor in Kent was speaking in church a few years back on the theme of healing. And as he was in full flow, talking about the healing power of Jesus Christ, a small boy about four or five walked up to the pulpit and looked up with his big brown eyes. 

So the preacher paused, and crouched down and asked the little boy if he’d like to say anything. “Yes,” he said. “I hope Jesus can heal Derrick.” So the pastor said, “O.K., who is Derrick?” “Derrick is my hamster. So I’d like you to pray for him.” “Oh!” says the pastor, “All right. And what is wrong with your hamster?” “Well, he’s dead!” 

And so, thinking on his feet, he quickly prayed along the lines of “Lord, thank you for this creature and for the joy it brought to this family. Thank you for this little boy who wants to talk to you about it. Help him to find another pet that will be just as nice.”

You see, pastors anointed with great faith for hamster resurrections are hard to find!

But that little boy brought nothing and needed everything. We fit in the kingdom of God when we live fully aware of our desperate need of grace. 

 

Jesus said, “Without me you can do nothing.” I’ve looked up that word in the Greek; it means nothing. In fact, literally, it means absolutely nothing. 

The kingdom means I say “no” to my impulse to earn spiritual points and exalt myself. I think that you will find this innate neediness and helplessness in most children and without it there’s no way into the kingdom of God.

 

1. An open hand 

 

Now, I have a bar of chocolate here. And it’s free to anyone who comes up here and asks me for it... Cue general reluctance and awkwardness…

A child who is aware of his or her neediness will tend to have an open hand. I mean by that that they are not embarrassed to ask and receive. 

The Bible says, “God gives good gifts to those who ask.” If I want to receive anything from God, I have to take it, open handed like a child. 

I find that the older we get the more reluctant we become to get out of our chair, hold out our hand and receive a free gift. We feel awkward. We worry there might be a catch. We wonder if we might be expected to give something in return. Sometimes, we even refuse assistance when we know we need it. “Oh, no thanks, I’ll be all right!” 

Children don’t think that way. No child I know will ever say, “Thanks for offering me those sweets, but I don’t need your charity.” Children have nothing so are more willing to receive - and that is a must in the kingdom of heaven.

 

2. An open heart

 

Secondly, a child who is aware of his or her need will tend to have an open heart. Children need to be loved, and if you love a child, they will naturally love you in return. 

The children want to come to Jesus in v14. Mark adds another detail that Matthew left out; that Jesus takes them in his arms. Children are often more tactile than adults.When you show love to an adult, you sometimes get the response “So what’s he after? What’s the catch?” 

Life changes us and as we get older, the heart hardens. People let us down, so we learn to stop trusting. We become cynical and wonder if people are trying to use us. Children don’t think that way. They have open hearts.

Here’s a true story - a man was flying from Atlanta to Dallas and it just so happened that in the seat next to him was a little girl with Down’s Syndrome. 

After a while she turned to him and said, “Do you smoke?” He was a little uncomfortable, but he told her that he didn't. She said, “Good, because smoking will make you die.” (Children tell you the truth in ways that adults don’t)!  She nudged him, pointed to the guy across the aisle and said, “Ask him if he smokes.” And so, good-naturedly, he did, and the man said that he didn't smoke either.

Then she said, “Mister, do you love Jesus?” He smiled and said, “Well, yes, I do.” The little girl smiled and said, “Good, everyone should love Jesus.” Then, a little later, she nudged him once again and said, “Ask him if he loves Jesus. Ask him!” He thought, “Oh no,” but he swallowed hard and turned to the guy again and said, “Now she wants to know if you love Jesus.” His expression became serious. He said, “You know, in all honesty, I can't say that I do. I've wanted to be a person of faith all my life, but I haven't ever taken that step. 
But now I've come to a time in my life when I know I should.”

And so Milton Cunningham, a preacher on his way to Dallas, Texas, led that stranger to faith in Christ on that airplane all thanks to one little girl’s open heart and eagerness to ask that simple question, “Do you love Jesus?” Isn’t it beautiful to have an open heart?

 

3. An open mind 

 

I wonder too if the kingdom of heaven belonging to those who are like children has something to do with children having an open mind. Children have big imaginations. If my dad had told me he could fly I would have believed him. Children have open minds, and although that means they accept things that are not true, it also means they’re ready to receive things that are. That’s why they can have amazing faith. 

I know I’ve told this story many times, but when our daughter Anna was about 3, she was buckled up in the back of our old Citroen 2CV one damp, misty morning. I tried several times to start the car, but to no avail. I must have tried for about 10 minutes, but it wouldn’t start. I got out and looked under the bonnet – nothing obvious. I tried again, failed again, and slumped in the driver’s seat, feeling helpless. 

Then, from the back seat, a little voice squeaked “Come on Jesus, start the car!” My mind was closed, and I confess that I felt a bit sad that Anna’s open mind and simple faith would be crushed by our useless, unreliable old banger stubbornly refusing to start yet again. 

But anyway, resigned to the inevitable disappointment, I put the key back in the ignition. I turned the key. It started perfectly. 

As we get older, we close our minds, we shut off our imagination, we complicate everything and say, “I can’t believe that.” But, because of their neediness, children’s minds are open to believe God for great things.

 

Blessing

 

Matthew then records for us in v15 that Jesus placed his hands on these children’s heads and blessed them. You can add children to the list of all the supposedly unimportant people that Jesus notices and cares about.

He is counter-cultural in approaching and touching lepers, cleansing them instead of shunning them. He is counter-cultural in welcoming foreigners, including them instead of rejecting them. He is counter-cultural in respecting and speaking with women, taking them seriously instead of ignoring them. He is counter-cultural in elevating the poor, having good news for them instead of despising them. And he is counter-cultural in receiving children, blessing them instead of looking down on them. 

 

Ending

 

As I end, how might you become more like a child? Are you coming to God, bringing nothing? 

The gospel is not about what we have achieved; it is about what we have received from Jesus Christ. Becoming like a child means I know I cannot supply God with anything he needs. He is almighty and all-sufficient.

In this short, 3-verse interlude, Jesus challenges our proud instinct to earn and achieve, and ultimately to applaud ourselves. 

And it is surely intentional that, as we’ll see next Sunday, these verses are followed immediately by the story a rich young man who comes to Jesus with his long list of good works, rather than an acknowledgement of his neediness.

Let’s this day acknowledge our neediness like a small child. Just as Naomi is wholly dependent on her parents for feeding, changing, bathing, clothing, love, protection and everything else… just as she is able to contribute nothing by earning… may we all today be like her in simply receiving the Lord’s gracious gifts of faith and grace.

Because Jesus said, and he meant it, “Anyone who will not receive the kingdom of heaven like a child [aware of his or her neediness, leading to an open hand, an open heart and an open mind] will never enter it.”

Let’s stand to pray…

Sermon preached at King's Church Darlington, 29 September 2024

What God Has Joined Together... (Matthew 19.1-12)

Photo by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash

Introduction

 

We’ve been working our way through the Gospel of Matthew for about 15 months now, and today is the day we arrive at chapter 19. This is what it says:

 

When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went down to the region of Judea east of the Jordan River. Large crowds followed him there, and he healed their sick.

Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’” 

 

And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

“Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?” they asked.

 

Jesus replied, “Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.” Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!”

 

“Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps. Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.”

 

I’d be interested to know how many of you have ever heard a sermon on this passage before. 

One of the challenges of preaching through the Bible systematically is that you have to handle passages you might otherwise be tempted to avoid. You cannot just stick to the parts of the Bible that you know people will like. 

I suspect that many church leaders steer clear of passages like today’s because they fear upsetting people and losing them. I’m sure some have visions of people getting up and walking out, never to return, before they get to the end of their first point. They find that thought quite daunting, understandably.

Preachers know that among their listeners some will remember their parents’ divorce when they were children, and being reminded of that painful experience will trigger powerful, negative emotions. 

They know that others will themselves be divorced. They know that this will be hard to listen to for them.

They know that some will be remarried after divorce, and that these people might find Jesus’ words about such an action amounting to adultery (except in the case of unfaithfulness) too much to take, perhaps feeling judged and condemned.

They know as well that others will be unhappily married, and the words, “let no one split apart what God has joined together” will feel like a life-sentence to them.

Then they know that some will be single, or widowed, and perhaps weary of the emphasis in their church on couples and families, as if single people were unvalued or invisible.

They also know that some might be cohabiting unmarried, or that their grown-up children are, and so Jesus speaking of a man being joined to his wife, not his girlfriend, might be badly received. 

Finally, they might guess - or might have learned - that still others listening to them are coming to terms with same-sex attraction, so marriage here defined by Jesus as a God-ordained covenant exclusively for two members of the opposite sex shuts the door firmly in the face of so-called same-sex marriage. There is no category for this in scripture, and in wider society that is increasingly seen as scandalous. 

So let me just put it out there right away; I get it. This message could conceivably offend pretty well everybody! 

I know that there are deeply personal and complex pastoral questions that this passage raises. I cannot possibly say everything in the finely nuanced way I would want to, covering each and every situation in life, in the short time I have available. 

So I need to start by managing expectations. This is not going to be an exhaustive survey of everything the Bible has to say on the subject of marriage, or divorce, or remarriage. 

 

My brief is to preach on these 12 verses, to explore their meaning, and call you to respond gladly, in faith, to embrace the timeless truth and eternal wisdom of God’s infallible word, however convenient or inconvenient to our personal circumstances we find that to be. 

So, all that said, before I go any further, let me pray…

 

Background

 

Such is the explosive nature of what Jesus says here, I would be surprised if anyone noticed that the passage actually begins with the observation in v2 that Jesus healed the sick among the multitudes that surrounded him. 

 

People are flocking to him and, as usual, the lame walk, the blind see, the deaf hear, those with leprosy are cleansed, and those weighed down by the oppression of demonic affliction are delivered.

Hold that thought and savour it; the atmosphere in which Jesus says these uncompromising words is one of grace, and blessing, and release from pain and infirmity. 

The framework into which Jesus places this teaching on marriage and divorce is one of wanting to alleviate misery, not inflict it.

 

The geographical setting in which Matthew locates this encounter may also have escaped your notice, not to mention its recent history and political significance. 

Jesus is now, v1, on his way to Jerusalem from Galilee, and it’s the last time he will ever make this journey. We are a few short weeks away from the agonies he will endure for us on the cross. 

And the usual route from Galilee in the north to the capital in the south is down the Jordan valley; you can see the river on the map, running from the Sea of Galilee down to the Dead Sea. Jesus is, Matthew says, east of the river. I’ve marked the approximate location with an x on the map. 

The last time we were here in Matthew’s Gospel was back in June when, you may remember, John the Baptist met his untimely death by beheading. You remember creepy Herod’s party, the erotic dance that greatly pleased him, and the request for John’s head on a platter? 

Jesus is now in the neighbourhood of Herod’s fortress, where all that happened.

 

Why was John killed? He was killed because Herod broke up his little brother’s marriage to steal his young, pretty sister-in-law, with whom he had been having an affair, and then he ditched his own wife. And John openly denounced him. 

It wasn’t right before God, he said, and it amounted to adultery. And, you’ll remember, Herod’s new trophy wife Herodias resented this and orchestrated John’s execution because of it. 

You can read the whole sordid story in chapter 14 if you missed it. All this to say that this apparently random question from the Pharisees about divorce and remarriage is not incidental - or innocent. They raise it maliciously and sinfully. 

 

Verse 3 specifically says that they ask it “to trap him.” Jesus’ close association with John the Baptist was well-known and Mark 3.6 tells us that, from early days, the Pharisees were plotting with the Herodians to kill Jesus. 

This is an evil conspiracy to discredit Jesus in order to have him arrested and killed, as John had been. It’s a set up. 

 

Marriage as God intended

 

Here’s their question, v3; “Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?” Everyone straightaway is thinking about Herod. 

But Jesus, as usual, doesn’t answer their hostile enquiry in a way that allows them to say, “Gotcha!” As so often, he replies with another question that displays his deeper insight and superior wisdom.

Tellingly, and instructively for us, Jesus’ interest is not, “what does society say?” or “what do the celebrities say?” Or “what do the influencers and commentators say?” Jesus asks, “what does the Bible say?” 

This is always the first and best question to ask. What does God say about this?

 

“Haven’t you read the Scriptures? They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female. This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.”

 

Jesus focuses their thoughts on God’s purposes for joining men and women together, not on man's pretexts for tearing them apart. What are the maker’s instructions? 

“In the beginning God made human beings male and female,” he says in v4. 
We are created equal - yes - men and women are both created in God’s image and likeness. 

But equal and alike does not mean identical or interchangeable. We are genetically unalike in every cell of our bodies and that leads to profound, beautiful and complimentary differences in our God-given identities. 

And being created male and female leads to three steps with respect to marriage. 

 

First, says Jesus, pointing back to Genesis, that a couple must leave their parents, v5. 

 

Usually that will mean setting up a new home together. For various reasons, that may not be feasible at first, but it should be the objective, and in any case, husband and wife must establish their independence and set boundaries.

The most important human bond for husband and wife is to each other. There should no longer be a dependence emotionally (and if possible financially) to parents. And while parents and in-laws can be hugely supportive to their married children, meddling -however well-meaning- should be courteously but firmly resisted. 

 

Second step, Jesus says, the couple must be joined to each other. 

The word he uses, proskollēo, is the verb form of adhesive. It means ‘to adhere’ and it’s how you would describe glueing two sheets of paper together. 

It takes time for glue to stick. And if you try and separate the two pieces of paper after the glue has set, you don’t tear the glue; you tear the paper. 

How do husband and wife become joined together? 

When I conduct weddings, I often use this ornate little box as an illustration. Many people, you see, get married believing a myth that marriage is like a beautiful box full of all the things they have always longed for; intimacy, security, friendship, romance, happiness... 

But the truth is that in every marriage, at the start, the box is always empty; there’s nothing in it. You have to put something in before you can take anything out. 

 

There is no love in marriage. Love is in people, and people put love into their marriages. There is no romance in marriage either; you have to put that in too. Every couple has to keep replenishing the box. This is how husband and wife become joined to each other.

It’s the same for intimacy, security, friendship, happiness... And if you consistently take out more than you put in, before long the box will be empty, and married life will start to feel draining and heavy.

So it’s vital that couples keep sticking together practically, spiritually, emotionally, financially and of course - step 3 - physically. Sexually.

 

Third step, Jesus says the two become united into one. Literally, they become one flesh. 

In God’s grand design, husband and wife take delight in one another and enjoy sexual intimacy together. This is marriage as God intended.

So marriage is not just some sort of pragmatic social construct that governments have devised; it’s not ours to remodel or redefine or redesign. It’s God's.

Jesus says in v6, “let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Those of you who are married, God led you to your spouse and God joined you together on your wedding day. Marriage is God’s idea, it’s God’s initiative, it’s God’s wise provision for stability in society, for satisfaction for couples, and for security for children.

Every married couple here today needs to be reminded of God’s perspective on their marriage. Because every married couple here lives in a culture that relentlessly undermines and attacks their union. And every married couple here is at risk of a hardening of the heart.

 

Concessions for hard hearts

 

The Pharisees can see that siding with Herod now before this listening crowd is to defend the indefensible. So they try another tack. What about Deuteronomy 24 then? There, the Bible does make an allowance for divorce in some circumstances. 

There was a hot debate at the time of Jesus between two rabbinical schools of thought about what constituted permissible grounds for divorce. Some said, for adultery only and others said, anything goes. You can guess which rabbis had the biggest congregations.

The Pharisees’ intent was to promote a permissive divorce society, and they saw Deuteronomy 24.1-3 as a license to dissolve marriages for any frivolous reason. They wanted throwaway wives, and the more disposable, the better.

Moses, in Deuteronomy, had reluctantly made legislation to limit the worst excesses of his quickie divorce culture, because men were divorcing their wives on account of the most trifling disagreements. 

“Indeed,” says Michael Green, “a man could do so while drunk! To have to write a bill of divorce at least meant he had to wait until he was sober.”

This is what it is like in Jesus’ day; abandoned wives who are homeless and penniless. And Jesus calls it out for what it is. Moses’ permission to divorce in exceptional circumstances, he says, was an accommodation of your hardness of heart. 

And Jesus’ use of the pronoun “your” here is directed against the Pharisees whose own hardness of heart is demonstrated by their sly and insincere line of questioning. 

In v9, Jesus does not command divorce, but he allows it in the case of unfaithfulness, for the one sinned against, because of the violence adultery does to the marriage covenant, and to the need for trust between husband and wife. 

Remember, Jesus is not giving a systematic and exhaustive overview here; he is speaking into a particular context, dominated by scandal of the king's recent divorce and remarriage, which is on everyone’s mind. Herod’s first wife, would be free to remarry, but Herod and Herodias’ marriage is no different, Jesus says, to an adulterous affair.

1 Corinthians 7 gives another exception; when a non-believer deserts a believer. The believer is not bound in such circumstances. 

And look, I know from years of pastoral ministry that these situations are rarely simple and clear-cut. What about insanity? What about coercive behaviour? What about abuse? What about long-term imprisonment?

Probably some of you are thinking to yourselves, “this is all very well, but my situation is different.” In marriage breakdown, things are invariably thorny and complex. When a marriage fails, usually, there is crushing heartbreak akin to bereavement. And obviously, as I said earlier, I cannot possibly address every nuance of every saga of marriage breakdown in one sermon. 

Our elders here are called to be shepherds and we are available to talk if you want to. We have a pastoral care team too, and where we cannot help, we can sometimes signpost you to specialists who can.

I think I do need to say though that Jesus’ teaching for his followers is some distance away from the modern concepts of irreconcilable differences and incompatibility.

Jesus, as usual, challenges our easy-going culture of impermanent commitments and casual promise-breaking. 45% of marriages break down in the UK today. The divorce rate was high in Jesus’ day too and what he says here will have provoked a sharp intake of breath for his original hearers. 

The proof of that is v10 where the shocked disciples respond, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!”

Staying single

 

And Jesus replies to them (all men) by listing several kinds of men who would not have been able to marry. Those born with physical abnormalities or those harmed in such a way as to make it impossible to consummate a marriage and become one flesh. And those who choose singleness in order to be more available for serving God.

Some scholars think that, since it was highly unusual for a man of Jesus’ age in his culture to be single, the word “eunuch” here may well have been a common insult to unmarried thirtysomethings. 

Jesus lived with that, and in v12 counts himself as one who has voluntarily remained single for the sake of his mission. Not everyone is called to married life. Not everyone is called to singleness. 

Some singles find their calling hard and long to be married. I once heard of one Christian man, a good man, who proposed four times to four different women and was refused each time. There are many more Christian women than men who aspire to meet a godly future spouse. 

If that’s you, your earnest prayer, for years, may have been peppered with the word “why?” Sometimes I am asked that very question. Why? 

I don’t know why. I grieve with you for your sense of bewilderment. And I appeal to you; don’t lose hope and don’t stop bringing this before God in prayer. 

And don’t let what you don’t know erase what you do know about God’s goodness, his love for you and his grace which is sufficient for every need, every day.

Ending

 

Well, as I said near the beginning, this will not have been a comfortable listen for some of us here.

 
But, at King’s, we believe the Bible is God’s word. We hold that the gospel is true and life-giving. We confess that Jesus, not our God-resisting culture, is Lord. The Bible teaches that marriage reflects who God is. It shows how he is. 

It beautifully illustrates God’s disposition towards us all, wanting to establish union and life together with us. God is never going to say, “I’m done with Christians. I don’t feel fulfilled by them anymore. My love for them has died. I think maybe I’ll go and be God to the Jehovah’s Witnesses or the Mormons instead.” 

Numbers 23.19 says, “God is not a man, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind.” And since he is a God who never, ever breaks any covenant that he makes, his intention is that our marriages should point decisively and compellingly to his unwavering commitment to us.

God give us all grace to honour him in whatever state we find ourselves in.

Finally, as I end, for anyone who feels ashamed, or judged, or dirty, or condemned, that you’re a failure, that you’ve blown it, that God doesn’t love you, that there’s no future, and no hope…

There is no hardness in the human heart against God which is so hard that God himself cannot soften it and save the hardest sinner. 

If you don’t quite believe that, close your eyes and let me lead you to the temple courts in Jerusalem. It’s autumn in 30 AD. It’s early in the morning, during the Feast of Tabernacles, but there’s already a lot of people about. 

There’s a sudden commotion and, out of nowhere, a woman is dragged, her hair hanging down, half-dressed, by the Pharisees (yes, them again) in their flowing robes right into the middle of a gathered crowd of men. “Teacher,” they say, looking at Jesus. “This woman was caught in the very act of adultery.” I bet they loved that. 

(‘Adultery’ by the way, is exactly the same word, in the original, that Jesus uses in our passage this morning, talking about remarriage after divorce). Again, as in this morning’s passage, the Pharisees appeal to the law. “Moses says to stone her. To death. What do you say?” As in this morning’s passage, it says that they say this to trap him.

Jesus stoops down and writes in the dust with his finger. Why does he do this? No one knows. My guess is that it’s to discreetly avert his eyes away from her humiliation and immodesty.

They keep demanding an answer. “What do you say? What do you say? What do you say?” Her heart is thumping. She’s like a fox being pursued by a pack of baying hounds. She’s cornered. They’re closing in. What is this teacher going to say?  

Jesus stands up. “Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone.” Then he stoops down again and writes in the dust. One by one, they slip away. Finally, only Jesus and the woman are left.

Jesus stands up once more. “Where are your accusers? Is there no one to condemn you?” “No man, Lord.” “Then neither do I condemn you. Neither do I. Now go, and sin no more.” It’s a beautiful story. And it’s true. 

As Rabbi David Aaron once said, “I wish I could love the greatest saint like the Lord loves the greatest sinner.”  

And, as I said two weeks ago, every saint has a past. And every sinner can have a future.

Let’s stand to pray…

Sermon preached at King's Church Darlington, 29 September 2024

Why Bother Praying?

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

There’s an old, old story, you’ve probably heard it before, about a pastor who was pottering around in his garden when he heard the meowing of a kitten up a tree. He felt sorry for it, so he put a ladder up against the tree to try and rescue the kitten, but it was too high up and he couldn’t quite reach. So he decided to tie a rope around a low branch, attach the other end to his car and inch away to pull the branch down low enough to reach this poor, frightened animal. 

An ingenious idea. Except it didn’t quite go to plan. As the car slowly moved away and the branch began to stoop, the rope suddenly snapped, and the kitten was launched high into the air. (So never attempt to rescue a cat stuck up a tree by pulling down the branch with a rope tied to your car).

 

Anyway, a fortnight later, the pastor was out visiting one of his church members. As he was about to sit down with a cup of tea, he noticed, to his great surprise, the very same kitten alive and well, stretched out on the sofa. So he diplomatically asked the man, “Just out of curiosity, how long have you had that cat?” “Oh,” he said, “about two weeks, and you’ll never believe how that came about.”

 

Some weeks earlier, his daughter had been asking if she could have a kitten for a pet. She was told categorically ‘no’, but she kept on asking anyway. In the end, not wanting to upset her, the pastor suggested that they kneel down there and then and ask Jesus about it – if it was God’s will, then the Lord would surely provide them a kitten.

 

“You’ll never guess what happened next, pastor! No sooner had we said ‘Amen’ than this little fella flies in through the window! Two miracles at once! Firstly, the answered prayer and secondly a cat that flies!”

 

Praying exposes unsuspecting people to the amazing, extraordinary, awesome power of our mighty God. The thing is, when people pray, stuff happens. I cannot count the number of times God has answered my prayers, sometimes in surprising ways, though I have never asked him for a new pet.

 

Why don’t we pray as much as we know we should? Because we are the lord of our lives. When I am god of my own life, I’ll never pray at all. What’s the point of prayer? I am so awesome. I can manage just fine on my own.

 

In the early 20th Century, a 22 year-old James Fraser travelled to southwest China and northern Burma to preach the gospel, plant churches and translate the New Testament into the local dialect of the Lisu people. When he got there he found, to his utter horror, that they worshipped demons. And here is what would happen: he would lead a family to Christ and, the next day, one would be sick, and a few days later another would die, and the family would go back to devil worship.

He became really frustrated. Nothing in his training had prepared him for anything like this. But he felt God speak to him to not lose heart, but to pray and trust that thousands of Lisu would be converted. He wrote home and asked a prayer group in his church to pray. And Fraser himself began to fervently claim these people for Christ in passionate prayer.

Years passed, with very little progress. Nothing was happening. Was it all a waste of time? Doubts started to creep in and he had to push them to one side and keep believing. Finally, just when he was at his wit’s end, God spoke to him one morning saying simply, “The strong man is bound.” From that very day, whole Lisu communities began turning to Christ - even some that Fraser had never met.

I love what Baptist preacher John Piper says about all this; “Prayer is the open admission that without Christ we can do nothing. And prayer is the turning away from ourselves to God in the confidence that he will provide the help we need. Prayer humbles us as needy and exalts God as all-sufficient.”

 

Some of you reading this may be wondering wearily whether God will ever answer the prayer of your heart. You may have been praying for years and nothing has changed at all. Even a bit to give you a glimmer of hope and a bit of encouragement.

 

I don’t know why God sometimes answers prayers very quickly, and sometimes he delays for months or years, and sometimes it seems that a good prayer is never answered in a whole lifetime. I. Don’t. Know. It’s a mystery.

 

Martyn Lloyd-Jones used to say, "Don’t let the things you don’t know spoil the things you do know." I do know that God is good. And I do know that he is worthy of trust. And I do know that he is all-sufficient for every need. And I do know that the more I pray the more likely it is that I will witness extraordinary things. Maybe not flying kittens. But you never know…

This post first appeared on King's Church Darlington's website.

Conflict in Church (Matthew 18.15-20)

Introduction

There’s an old story about a castaway on a desert island who was found ten years after the shipwreck that led him to be marooned. And they were astonished to find that he had constructed three amazing buildings. So they asked him about them. And he said, “Well, this one is my home. This is where I live. It’s got a great ocean view and every comfort.” He showed them the next building and said, “And this is my church. It’s the most beautiful little chapel you could ever want, so peaceful.” And to be fair, it was very pretty. And they said, “Right, so what’s this third building?” And the guy replied, “Oh, that’s the church I used to go to…”

People leave local churches for many reasons; some good, others less so. And one of the less good reasons for leaving a church is conflict or disagreements with others where, instead of resolving the issues, people take offence, make a fuss and walk out, never to be seen again. And, of course, it’s worse if the offended person doesn’t connect with another local church afterwards, but just drifts away from fellowship and, tragically, from the Lord altogether.

It would be great if church life was always wonderful and harmonious, and if everyone was just lovely and easy to get on with. I often marvel at the sense of God’s goodness amongst us here. With Jesus in the midst of us, I love hearing about broken relationships that God has mended, and sick bodies that God has healed, and messed-up lives that God has restored. No church is perfect of course, but I think the sense of God’s presence at King's is special.

But church doesn’t always feel like the promised land. Did you know that Christians sometimes disagree disagreeably with each other? Well, it turns out that they do. In some churches, people grumble that “the only thing that’s harmonious here is the organ!”

People in any church can be difficult and irritating. Some of you probably think I am. If we’re honest, there are some people we don’t naturally warm to, and we feel tempted to avoid.

Someone put all this into a little rhyme; To dwell above, with saints I love, Oh, that will be glory. But here below, with those I know, Well, that’s another story!

There are many verses in the New Testament that show us how to deal with friction in church relationships. Here’s just a small selection:

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient.”

“Agree with one another in what you say [so] that there [may] be no divisions among you, but that you [may] be perfectly united in mind and thought.”

But what about when the problem is a bit more serious than just getting on each other’s nerves? What about when someone wrongs you? What about ill-treatment? How do you work through that?

I’m not talking about safeguarding matters here by the way. We have a policy and procedure for abusive behaviour involving children and vulnerable adults, and that is accessible to everyone on our website. We have posters all around the building telling you who to speak to if you have a concern.

I’m thinking more about things like malicious gossip, or humiliating or insulting behaviour. Inappropriate flirting. Unfair or excessive criticism which, when prolonged, can feel like bullying. 

This can be directed against leaders too by the way. When I first started out in church leadership, someone gave me a very helpful piece of advice; “The secret of leadership” they said, “is to keep the four guys who hate you away from the five who are still undecided.”

Perhaps you today are thinking about a particular person here or in a previous church who has wronged you. You still feel hurt and aggrieved. How does God want you to handle this and move forward in a healthy way? 

Well, that is what today’s passage of Scripture is all about. So let’s read it together, it’s Matthew 18.15-20.

[Jesus said], “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector. I tell you the truth, whatever you forbid on earth will be forbidden in heaven, and whatever you permit on earth will be permitted in heaven. I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.”

A few weeks ago, we looked together at the passage in Matthew 16 where Jesus says, “I will build my church.” And, if you remember, we saw that Jesus is talking there about a growing and worldwide movement of believers. A global church that he is building, that every Christian everywhere is part of, that will go on advancing until he returns, and that the devil will be unable to resist and withstand.

But here, two chapters later, the only other place in the Gospels where Jesus talks about the church, this time the word clearly has a different meaning. Here church doesn’t mean a global movement. The context shows Jesus is talking here, not about an international, but about a local gathering of believers. And notice incidentally that he just assumes that his followers will all belong to one. 

This is one such local congregation. King’s is a gathering of believers in a particular neighbourhood where people know each other, love each other and worship together. Jesus says here that there will be times when some of us will step on each other’s toes and fall out.

Four-step programme

This is what Jesus says about how to settle disagreements among Christians in a local church. This is how we move from harm to harmony.

Step 1. Jesus says, v15, “if another believer sins against you, first go privately and point out the offence.”

In other words, don’t complain about it to everyone else. No one else needs to be involved. In this first step, Jesus seems to have in mind meeting up face-to-face.

Too many times in my life I have written a stroppy email and felt huge satisfaction when pressing ‘send’ only to bitterly regret it later. It’s always much better to talk over a coffee than phone or send letters or emails or texts.

Few people find personal confrontation easy, but 2 Timothy 2.24-25 helps us to pitch it right; it says to not “be quarrelsome but kind to everyone… patient with difficult people… correcting… with gentleness.”

So - very practically now - saying, for example, “You called me an idiot in front of other people. You always do this. You are utter scum and I hate you,” is obviously going to make things worse.

Instead, the first step for the very same problem might look a bit more like this: “When you called me an idiot in front of other people, it wasn’t the first time. When you do that it makes me feel humiliated and it hurts. I would love it if you said more positive things that would build me up and encourage me.

Proverbs 15.1 says, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” In other words, bad feeling between two people usually escalates when our manner is hostile or abrasive. But a gracious and measured tone tends to calm things down. “If the other person listens and confesses it,” says Jesus, “you have won that person back.”

“Do you know what; you’re right. I’m sorry, please forgive me. Let’s pray together and ask God to help us do this better.” Happy days…

But it may be that, even after a mature and constructive approach, with grace and kindness, the problem persists.

Step 2. Then Jesus says, “If you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses.” This time, maybe having a small group of independent and neutral people with you will help. 

It may be that they can add a helpful perspective. Perhaps, if the problem is rooted in a clash of personalities, having someone else there with a different temperament or approach will help.

But what if that fails too? Jesus says, “if the person still refuses to listen.” They don’t accept they might be in the wrong, they don’t acknowledge the hurt they’ve caused, and they rebuff every attempt to restore harmony in the congregation. What then?

Step 3. Then, Jesus says, “take your case to the church.” Or, “tell it to the church.” This is painful, but in extreme circumstances, in order to prevent further pain, the wider church has to be informed.

Charles Swindoll, in his commentary, suggests that the word “church” here may not necessarily mean the entire gathered congregation on a Sunday morning. It could refer to representatives of the church, like the elders, or to a smaller, carefully selected group of mature individuals. Especially if that would increase the likelihood of bringing the offender back to repentance and restoration. And I’m sure that’s wise counsel.

In four decades of ministry, I have seen this kind of thing from time to time. I’ll give you three examples to give you an idea of the seriousness of the offence involved.

In one case, a member of the welcome team was constantly borrowing money from vulnerable members and not paying them back. I wasn’t involved in the disciplinary process, but I think I’m right in saying the police were informed as well after he refused to repent.

In another case, the vicar’s son ran off with a churchwarden’s wife and they moved in together. She had children who were torn between mum and dad, it was a horrible mess. That’s not against the law of the land, but it is against the teaching of God’s word. When they refused to end the relationship, their church membership was revoked with the goal of saving the marriage and restoring their faith.

In another case, a church member kept being verbally aggressive and personally unpleasant to newcomers, to such an extent that most visitors didn’t dare return. We had to tell him to leave the church and not return until he agreed to change his attitude and behaviour.

In each case, steps 1 and 2 were taken but were unsuccessful. In each case it was very upsetting. Nobody took any pleasure in it. But in each case it was sadly necessary.

Step 4. “Then,” says Jesus, v17, “if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”

Wow! Even if the goal is to encourage the person to repent and be restored, doesn’t that sound a bit harsh to you? Does it sound unloving and judgmental and not very inclusive?

Beware when churches use those words all the time. Inclusive and diverse can mean “everybody is welcome - except Jesus, and we love our sin more than his call to holiness.” I feel I just need to teach into this a bit because there’s a fashion for putting words into Jesus’ mouth that he never said.

We hear a lot about ‘unconditional love’. And yes, God is love, but unconditional love is not a phrase you find anywhere in the Bible, and Jesus never spoke about it. In fact, he actually insisted on conditions. He said, “If you keep my commandments (that’s a condition) you will remain in my love.”

We hear a lot about ‘inclusive church.’ And yes, there must be an open door for everyone, absolutely. But Jesus never emphasized easy entry, saying instead, “If anyone wants to follow me, they have to deny themselves and take up their cross daily.”

We hear a lot about ‘broad church’ like diversity of expression is the ultimate goal. And yes, there are many valid ways to do church. But Jesus never talked about broadness. In fact, quite the reverse. “Enter through the narrow gate” he said. “For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.”

How many so-called ‘inclusive’, so-called ‘affirming’, so-called ‘progressive’ churches ever highlight these sayings of Jesus or challenge their congregations to repentance, and saving faith, and costly discipleship?

Treating someone as a pagan or a tax collector, and this is what Jesus says we have to do, means removing them from church membership. It’s putting someone outside of the community of believers.

In v18, he backs the decision made on earth with the authority of heaven. This is not the Taliban we’re talking about here; remember, this is about someone who has been given three opportunities to put things right, in all patience and gentleness, but who, on each occasion, three times in a row, has (Jesus' words) refused to listen. Jesus is serious.

It’s unloving to do nothing. Cancer needs chemo and surgery. So Jesus isn’t scared of hurting people’s feelings if they’re making a mess of their lives and damaging his church.

It may sound harsh and severe. But think about it. How does Jesus treat pagans and tax collectors? Already in Matthew’s Gospel we’ve seen him interact with many pagans; delivering from demonic torment a man named Legion, healing a Roman centurion’s servant, and a Canaanite woman’s daughter. We’ve seen him take away their suffering. All three of them non-Jews, pagans. We’ve seen him have compassion on a crowd of 4,000 hungry people in the Decapolis: all of them non-Jews, pagans.

And how does Jesus treat tax collectors? Matthew, who writes all this down for us, had been one of them. Shunned and excluded and hated by all - except Jesus who loves him and calls him to repentance and then includes him and rebuilds him. The whole point of church discipline is not retaliation or vengeance, but restoration and reinstatement. 

In the three cases I mentioned earlier, as far as I know, alas two of them never resulted in the individuals turning back to God and being welcomed back into fellowship. Their hearts were hard. But one did, and oh, how wonderful that was. Mercy triumphs over judgement. Listen, every saint has a past but every sinner can have a future.

There’s a story about a busy father who was looking for a way to entertain his young daughter. He found a map of the world in a magazine and he cut it into pieces. He gave the pieces to his daughter and suggested she try to piece the map back together. Well, it took her no time at all. And he was very surprised by how quickly she had done it. So he asked her, “how did you manage to do it so fast?” She said, ‘Well, when you took the page out of the magazine I saw on the back of the map of the world there was a picture of a man and a woman. I thought that if I could put them back together, it would put the world back together.’ I love that!

The local church is the hope of the world. When we are right with each other, when we are put back together by the love of God, our fragmented, broken world gets a taste of the healing God wants to give to it. “By this the whole world will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another,” says Jesus.

Ending

I need to finish. I want to land on Matthew 18.19-20 where Jesus says this: “If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.”

These are verses we usually hear trotted out at poorly attended prayer meetings to lift the gloom. And, look, I don’t doubt that the Lord is present every time a small handful of souls are the only ones to meet up to pray.

But we’ve got to be honest and admit that the context here is not the church prayer meeting, but resolving a dispute and bringing about reconciliation.

When two or three get together to try and sort out a problem between two believers, the Lord promises his presence, to bring wisdom, and light.

When two or three get together to reason with and appeal to someone who has sinned against another, the Lord promises his presence, to bring grace and clarity and conviction.

When two or three get together to apply church discipline and put out of the local church an offender who keeps refusing to listen, a wolf among the sheep, the Lord promises his presence, to bring unity and a sense of safety. Isn’t that a lovely promise; I will be there among them.

The palpable, tangible, presence of the Lord in the life of a local church is a thing of beauty. We often sing about this; “Now your presence fills this place, be exalted in our praise.” “Holy Spirit, you are welcome here, come flood this place and fill the atmosphere; your glory, God, is what our hearts long for, to be overcome by your presence, Lord.” “Your presence like a cloud upon that ancient day; the priests were overwhelmed because Your glory came.” “Be still, for the presence of the Lord, the holy one is here.”

The presence and glory of the Lord are a river that makes glad the city of God. Moses once said, “Lord, if your presence does not go with us, don’t send us from here.” It was inconceivable for him to go on any further in his journey unless God’s presence was not at the heart of his people. Unity and harmony among us as the Lord’s people brings such a sweet taste of God’s presence and power. People notice it. They say, “What is it about this place?

How good and pleasant it is
when God’s people live together in unity! It is like precious anointing oil… [do you want God’s anointing among us?]
Like dew descending... [do you want the freshness of a new morning?]
For there [where there is unity in the Holy Spirit] the Lord commands his blessing, even life forevermore.

Let’s pray…

 

Sermon preached at King's Church Darlington, 8 September 2024