Sunday, 17 May 2026

Stand Firm and Put Your Armour On (Ephesians 6.10-17)


Introduction


It is just after dawn in downtown Los Angeles. A police officer called Bob Schultz is on his motorcycle, when he notices a black pickup truck driving through a red light. He says to himself, “Here’s a guy who must be late for work. He’s going to just love the ticket I’m about to issue him.” He switches on his flashing blue light and his siren, and he rides off in pursuit. Officer Schultz pulls the pickup over to the side of the road, climbs off his motorcycle, walks over and signals to the driver to roll down the window.

Officer Schultz smiles and says, “Good morning, sir. May I see—” but he doesn’t finish his sentence. Because the guy driving the pickup truck panics. With a bag full of banknotes on the passenger seat, he takes the gun he had threatened to use – but without firing a shot - just ten minutes earlier in a hold-up at a 24-hour convenience store. He points his gun at Officer Schultz’s chest and fires a single shot.

Schultz falls to the floor. But a few seconds later, to the criminal’s great surprise, the cop gets back to his feet, pulls out his service weapon, and fires two shots. The first shatters the truck’s window, and the second pierces through the car door and lodges in the driver’s leg. “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!” he shouts, and he throws the bag of stolen money out of the shattered window.

The life of LAPD Officer Bob Schultz was saved by dozens of layers of that super-strong fabric called Kevlar. Only one centimeter thick, Kevlar can stop most projectiles without difficulty. A bulletproof vest is literally a matter of life and death.

But spiritual armour is a matter of eternal life and death. It’s what today’s passage is all about, so if you have a Bible, please turn with me to Ephesians 6, and we’re starting at v10.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armour of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Therefore put on the full armour of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled round your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

1) Our enemy

If only our spiritual enemy were a humble, everyday convenience store robber like that loser in the pickup truck.

But God’s word today introduces our real enemy as not human at all, but supernatural and demonic. Our enemy is an unseen power, identified for us here as the devil.

The Bible describes him as a spiritual being of superior intelligence to us. Verse 11 speaks of “his schemes”, meaning he devises crafty and ingenious strategies to undermine and attack our faith.

He is a spiritual being of superior strength to us as well. In his first letter, Peter describes the devil as an apex predator who sits proudly top of the food chain. “Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” he says. He can devour, he can destroy.

The book of Revelation portrays the realm of the demonic with words like “abomination,” “beast,” “dragon” and “serpent.” Which of these words describe realities you would allow inside your home?

We need to understand this because we can easily fall into the trap of thinking that people are the problem. And it is undeniable that some people are antagonistic towards us because of our faith and some even hate us for being Christians. But God’s word tells us here not to fight with them. In fact, Jesus says the exact opposite; he tells us to love our enemies and do good to those who persecute us.

Our real issue is not with any human being, no matter how depraved or wicked he or she might be. Verse 12 says, “Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”

Satan rules an extensive network of demonic darkness, with legions of evil spirits at his beck and call.

How would that have sounded to the people who first read this letter? Their city was dominated by a massive pagan temple where idol worship was almost a civic duty. You remember when we looked at Acts 19 how the progress of the gospel was interrupted by a servant girl with an evil spirit. Many who were converted from occult practices publicly burned their books and idols and this power encounter, this clash of kingdoms, eventually provoked a riot sending the whole city into uproar.

Added to this, in Acts 20, Paul spoke to the elders of the church and warned them that in the future, savage wolves would come in among them, distorting the truth and drawing away believers after them. “So be on your guard,” he said to them.

Our struggle too is against a whole dark, demonic realm of evil spirits that has influence in false religion, in politics, in the arts, in big business, in law and order, in the media, in healthcare, in high finance, in science, in education. All these spheres are spiritual battlegrounds; we can feel it.

Unfortunately, you and I are no match for Satan and his demonic army. That’s the bad news. But all the powers of hell (times a hundred) are no match for Christ. As John Wimber used to say, “There is nothing that Satan can do that Jesus did not ‘undo’ on the cross!” That’s the good news.

This explains why the devil targets his schemes and strategies not against God, against whom he has no chance, but against God’s people. It’s why he will not rest, day or night, from launching assaults, and accusations and attacks on your faith.

And it’s why it says here, not “act tough, trusting in yourself and in your own brilliant ideas,” but “be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.”

2) Our stance

Given the superior intelligence and strength of our enemy, you might think it might take an ingeniously complex strategy or superhuman firepower to subdue and defeat him.

But four times in this short passage, our battle orders are summed up in one simple word of resistance; stand. Stand against. Stand your ground. Stand firm. And, if you do, you will be able to say at the end of every attack, “I’m still standing.”

There’s a bronze statue of Winston Churchill just off the Champs Elysées in Paris. And the inscription on the plinth simply says, in English, “We shall never surrender.”

At the time Paul wrote this letter, there was one dominant world superpower; the all-conquering Roman Empire. In the Roman military, surrender was unthinkable. Retreating without orders was seen as highly dishonourable. And the instruction here in v11, v13 and v14 is never to withdraw, never to retreat, never to give an inch, never to wave the white flag, but to stay at your post come what may and hold your ground.

You see, our hope is not that God will take us out of the battle so we’re nice and safe. We live in victory when we stay in the battle with the absolute assurance that we will win.

Have you ever noticed that no matter where you go in the world, gravity always drags everything downwards? You throw an object up into the air, no matter how high, and it will fall back to the ground. Every time.

What’s true in physics is also true for lifestyle. If you neglect routine maintenance on your car, it will break down. If you don’t work at your marriage, it will spiral down into unhappiness and even breakdown. If you don't shower daily, and wash your clothes regularly, you will start to wonder why people always seem to avoid you.

What’s true in physics and in lifestyle is also true spiritually. Unless you actually stand against the spiritual forces of evil at work in the world, they will eventually grind you down.

That’s it. But with the help of God, we can stand with confidence that no weapon formed against us will prosper.

3) Our armour

Standing firm is only part of our resistance. “Put on the full armour of God”, Paul says. In fact, he says it twice; once in v11 and once in v13, just in case we weren’t paying attention the first time.

This building, before we took ownership of it, was a carpet warehouse. But before that, it was a store for army supplies. Maybe that should serve as a constant reminder that we’ve got to daily put our armour on.

Verses 14-17 list six items of equipment that we need to wear. All of it. There is no single “secret” to the Christian life that fixes all the problems. It’s no good saying, “I’ve got the shield” or “I’ve got the belt” so I don’t need the rest.

We need the full armour, the whole armour. If we don’t, the enemy will scheme to exploit the one part of us that is exposed. And notice, if we are going to prevail, and not fail, in spiritual warfare, it needs to be the armour of God, not our own home-made spiritual defences. Human wisdom will not do.


    The belt of truth (v14)

Firstly, v14, the belt of truth, buckled round your waist. A Roman soldier’s leather belt was wide and strong; it held the rest of the rest of his armour in place and from it hung the purse for his money and the scabbard for his sword. It’s the belt of truth.

Historians say we are living in the Contemporary Age, which follows on from the Modern Age.

Technologists tell us that we’re living in a period of history called the early digital age. With the rise of artificial intelligence, who knows what the middle and late digital age will look like - if indeed we get there.

But sociologists define our era as the post-truth age. We live now at a time of shaking foundations, of widespread confusion, of deconstruction of belief and of trivialising truth claims. Does this account for the current crisis in mental health in our society? Probably it is part of the reason.

People are immersed in a head space where it is increasingly difficult to know what is real and what is not. I mean, even the perfectly straightforward question of what gender we are is now a tortuous muddle infecting every area of society.

Who are we? What are we to think? Why are we here? How are we to live? What are we to do? Where will this all lead?

Jesus called the devil “a liar from the beginning and the father of lies.” But to his followers, he said, “You will know the truth and the truth will set you free…” Listen, the first thing you need in the spiritual battle is to be held together by truth.

    The breastplate of righteousness (v14)

The breastplate was a large leather or bronze section of body armour that covered the heart. It says in Proverbs 4.23, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

The devil wants you to lose heart. He loves to point to you and say, “You’re always messing up. You must be one of the worst Christians I’ve ever met. Do you really think God could use you? What a joke!”

Protect and defend your inner life; your emotions, your motives, your feelings, your attitudes because they determine your actions and your actions determine how your life ends up.

But over our hearts, we have breastplate of righteousness to wear. The thing is, how can we be counted and declared righteous by God? Is there an elaborate ceremony with religious rigmarole and long-winded liturgy I have to go through? No!

Do I have to wear a hair shirt or submit myself to flagellation and live a severe, ascetic lifestyle? No!

Do I have to make some great sacrifice, or push some enormous boulder up a hill, or go and slay dragons in a castle with a moat of fire? No!

I just come as I am, empty handed. And the righteousness I wear over my heart is not my own pathetic moral goodness, but Christ’s perfect righteousness that God gives me as a free gift through faith.

If you are in Christ, when God looks at your heart, he sees only the perfections of the Son he loves. That is part of your armour.

    The footwear of readiness (v15)

The third item of armour is for your feet.

I mentioned the history of this building earlier. I was once part of a church in the 1990s which met in a converted factory that had previously manufactured screw-in studs for football boots.

And they always used to refer to that history as a prophetic word over them, that they were in a ferocious contest and they needed to not slide, but stand. As a young church plant, they saw many young people; drug users, dropouts, anarchists, rebels, social misfits come to faith in Christ. There were lots of hairy moments, and much deliverance, but that church is still strong and healthy today.

Some English language Bibles use the word sandals here and we think of sandals as lightweight and flimsy beachwear. But remember, the Roman empire expanded some way north of Darlington, and depending on where a Roman soldier was serving, his footwear could have included hobnails, fur lining and had leather straps or sometimes bronze shin guards that went up to the knee. Crucially, the footwear had heavy soles with small spikes, like athletics shoes, to give grip and traction in hand-to-hand combat.

Being ready and willing to tell your testimony and share the gospel gives you protection in spiritual warfare. Who can I share the gospel with? Where do I even start?

Start where you are. A woman who had attended an outreach week in her church wrote afterwards to the evangelist saying, “Dear Sir, I have come to know Jesus Christ during the mission. I feel he is calling me to preach the gospel. The trouble is, I have twelve children. What shall I do?” The evangelist wrote back, “Dear Madam, I am delighted to hear that God has called you to preach the gospel. I am even more delighted that he has provided you with a congregation!”

    The shield of faith (v16)

The fourth item is the shield of faith. I can’t find one example anywhere in the Bible where God asks someone to do something easy. And Ephesians 6 paints the terrifying picture of a city under siege with fire-tipped arrows raining down on it.

There are days when we feel beleaguered, surrounded on every side, by doubt, and cynicism, and false guilt, and scepticism, and temptation, and accusation, and discouragement… sometimes the whole lot at once! Have you had days like that? Hold high the shield of faith! Lay hold of the promises of God! Stand firm with defiant determination to stand your ground and not give Satan an inch.

Because you have defences that can put out the fires of all the enemy’s burning arrows. Faith.

Worry won’t help you. Worry looks around. Fear won’t help you either. Fear looks inwards. Regret won’t help you. Regret looks back. But faith; faith looks up. Ask God for more faith, ask for greater faith, ask for the spiritual gift of all conquering faith, faith that moves mountains.

    The helmet of salvation (v17)

2 Corinthians 10.4-5 talks about tearing down negative strongholds by taking captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And the fifth piece of armour is for the head, where God is renewing your mind day by day. It’s the helmet of salvation.

Knowing deeply that you are saved by grace, that Satan was overpowered at the cross, that your sins were nailed there forever, that you are assured of your home in heaven and that hell has no hold over you, means you can lift your head with confidence in any battle.

    The sword of the Spirit (v17)

And the last piece of equipment is the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. John Stott in his commentary talks about how God’s word cuts through people’s defences, pricks their consciences and stabs them spiritually awake. The word of God has cutting power, sharper than any double-edged sword.

Nicky Gumbel sometimes talks about a man went to university with called Earl Smith. Earl came from a family with lots of money. He was independently wealthy and did not need to work. He wasted his life, taking all kinds of drugs; cannabis, amphetamines, cocaine, heroin... By the age of thirty he was hospitalised and was a very sick man.

A Christian friend came to visit him in hospital and gave him a New Testament. Earl was delighted. The Bible paper was very thin so it was ideal for rolling joints. He rolled and smoked his way through Matthew, Mark and Luke. But when he came to John’s Gospel, he started reading. As a result of reading John’s Gospel, he had an encounter with Jesus. His heart believed, he turned from his life of sin, and all his spiritual chains fell off. Earl was filled with joy.

The psychiatrist in charge of Earl’s case was not only intelligent, she was beautiful as well; in fact, she had been a fashion model before she became a mental health professional. She watched how he changed and got better, and one day she said to him, “Look, I have it all – a good career, a good salary, good looks and good qualifications – but I am not fulfilled. You’ve made a mess of your life up to now, and yet you seem happy at peace. What has happened to you?”

Then he told her what he had read in John’s Gospel, how it had changed his life. And then he led her to faith in Jesus Christ.

Ending

As I end, let me sum it all up in three simple sentences. 1. You live in God’s world, because he created it. 2. You live in Satan’s world, because he corrupted it. But 3. You live in Christ’s world, because he has conquered it.

Satan is devious and powerful. Don’t underestimate him and let your guard drop.

But don’t overestimate him and live in fear. He is a fallen creature, his future is doomed, and he awaits his eternal final destruction when Jesus returns. Until that day, take your stand - and hold your ground.


Sermon preached at King's Church Darlington, 17 May 2026.

Sunday, 3 May 2026

Husbands and Wives (Ephesians 5.21-33)


Introduction

Well, good morning, everyone. We’re continuing in our Ephesians series and today, we arrive at a section for married couples, which is really counter-cultural, as we’ll see

If you have a Bible, please turn with me to Ephesians 5.21. 

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church – for we are members of his body. 'For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. 

Prayer… 


I can think of two reasons why some people might not warm to a sermon on this passage of scripture. 

 

Firstly, since these verses are addressed to wives and husbands, some might feel that it’s irrelevant, because they are not married. It doesn’t really affect them. 

 

Secondly, others might dismiss it as obsolete. It says that wives should submit to their husbands and that husbands are the heads of their wives. “Isn't this outdated?” we might ask. After all, we live in the 21st Century Western world, where most married couples consider themselves equal partners with virtually interchangeable roles.

 

But there are three reasons why we should - and indeed must - engage with this passage.

 

Firstly, in response to those who say this isn’t relevant to them, God wants all of us to know all his thoughts about all human relationships, and my current circumstances are beside the point. I have never robbed a bank, and I’m sure I never will. Does that mean I should skip reading what the Bible says about theft?

 

Secondly, in response to those who dismiss this as out of date, this is the Bible - and is therefore God’s word. 

 

We have no liberty to ignore any biblical passage just because some consider it offensive, unfashionable, misguided, controversial, or politically incorrect. 

 

The third reason we should connect with this passage is because there is so much marital brokenness in our society. About 40% of marriages in the UK end in the divorce courts. All the more reason to understand and embrace God’s blueprint for married life; a model, incidentally, that has stood the test of time. 

 

The pattern for all Christian relationships

 

Before we look at the submission God calls for from wives to their husbands, we should note that v21 stresses submission to one another in all Christian relationships.

 

There are no exceptions. Paul, an apostle with great authority, didn’t have maids and butlers and doormen, bowing and scraping around him. Instead, he submitted himself to serve the churches he planted and he said he worked harder than anyone else. 

 

Even Jesus, the King of kings, didn’t strut around arrogantly and expect to be waited on, but submitted himself to wash dirty feet and go to his death othe cross for us. 

 

The New Testament urges Christian citizens to submit to the earthly governing authorities, It calls church members to submit to their leaders. It teaches children to honour their parents and exhorts workers to labour for their bosses, as for the Lord.

 

Yet still the word “submission” jars for many of us, because our society lays such emphasis on asserting our rights. But notice, submission here is not about inferiority or weakness, it’s about reverence. This is a way of showing honour to God.

 

Like Jesus, we are to value others above ourselves. “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ…”

 

Wives

 

But then, Paul applies this general stance of mutual submission in a particular way for a wife vis-a-vis her husband.

“Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” (v22). “As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (v24)…

 

I’m not, and never will be, a woman, single or married. So, I thought I would invite three married women to share from their own experience how this biblical instruction works out in their lives. 

 

So Kathie, Sally and Sara, would you like to come forward, please. And as they make their way to the stage, I want to assure you that I have not pushed any editorial line on this. I haven’t told them what I think. I haven’t given them anything to read. But I see godliness and a love for scripture in all four, so I’m confident what they share will be really helpful…


Kathie: I'm very grateful to God for my husband who takes the Bible more seriously than any other written word, and he strives to live by God's teaching. And I think that John, as a Christian husband, gets a more difficult task to live by, and that is to love me, his wife, as Christ loves the church. I'm not very lovable at times, but John continues to love me.


Submission doesn't mean being walked over. If there are decisions to be made, we discuss them and pray about them together. When they are big decisions and we struggle to be of the same mind, I leave the final word to John, and I will back him in it, as he's the one who takes responsibility in God's sight.


Sometimes, the final decision is the one that I prefer, and sometimes it's John's preference. But we have different gifts and we're both aware of each other's, so often the decision is made based on which other person has more knowledge about that subject. I trust John to make the decision because he loves me and wants the best for our couple and our family, so I'm happy to submit to him in that.”


Sally: “So, as many of you know, Phil and I have now been married for 50 years, and we've always endeavoured to keep Jesus at the centre of our relationship by submitting primarily to him. Jesus laid down his life for us, and therefore, we've always tried to lay down our lives for one another by loving, respecting, and serving each other, all of which we found key in our relationship. 


For those of you who watch Strictly Come Dancing, you will have seen that even though both dancers are equally skillful and totally in sync with each other, one of them, usually the man, will always guide the woman around the dance floor.


And likewise, I've always trusted Phil's guidance and wisdom in our marriage, which actually brings me great security, even though he's definitely not a ballroom dancer! So I would say that submission is definitely not one side of control, but a God-centered relationship where both of us seek to love, serve, and respect each other.”


Sara: “I'm Sarah. I'm married to Joe, and we've been married for 10 years, and we've got two children.


And in my marriage, I have seen that submission is a choice on my behalf and not control on Joe's behalf. I decide to honour Joe's leadership in the home. We always talk about everything together that impacts our family, and Joe values my opinion.


But like Kathie said, sometimes our opinions differ. And in these cases, I've learned to trust Joe to make the final call to lead our family. I can follow his lead because I know he follows God's lead.


I know that he loves me and only wants the best for us, just like Christ loves the church and only wants the best for the church. I see his relationship with God and know his heart. He respects me and I honour him. He honours God and God blesses us. There's a trust between Joe and me that we have each other's backs, and I believe God speaks through Joe to guide our family. I believe God created this walk of love that empowers us to lead a beautiful marriage.”


Thank you all…

 

Well, what mental picture did Paul have in mind when he wrote about a wife submitting to her husband? 

 

Looking ahead to what he says to children in 6v1, “Children obey your parents,” and in 6v5 what he says to slaves, “Slaves obey your earthly masters,” it is striking that, in contrast, at no point does he see the word “obey” as appropriate for a wife in respect of her husband. 

 

He could do. He could say, “Wives obey your husbands.” But he doesn’t because submission is not an underling or subordinate kind of word. 

 

Katia Adams, in her book Equaltakes issue with any understanding of these verses that involves wives and husbands assuming different roles. She complains that male and female roles in marriage always means hierarchy.

 

I disagree. Hierarchy is when party is superior and the other is inferior. Paul is not giving us a pecking order here; he is not saying one is better than, or more worthy than, or more important, than another. It’s not about status.

 

In ice skating pairs, two skaters (one male, one female) dance in unison to music, but the woman doesn’t hold the man in overhead lifts, or throw and catch him, and the man doesn’t wear a sequin dress or spin around his partner as she holds him. 

 

Both bring tremendous technical precision and intelligence and skill to the performance. The woman enhances the routine with her feminine gracefulness and the man adds something quite different with his masculine strength. The result is an artistic spectacle that is more than a sum of its parts. 

In the same way, Paul is saying here that God created and mandated marriage as a harmonious, complementary partnership. 

Like an ice skating pair; graceful beauty and physical strength. Honouring, supportive submission and, as we’ll see shortly, protective, sacrificial love. Two equal partners, with unique qualities and responsibilities.  

I have heard it said that men are generally most fulfilled in marriage when their wives admire them and feel proud of them, while women are most fulfilled in marriage when their husbands love them and are attentive to them. 

Josh Squires insightfully relates that to the tragedy of infidelity. His research led him to make the following observation: “Contrary to what movies and songs often lead us to believe, only around ten percent of those that cheated did so with someone they considered more attractive than their spouse. Men and women who have an affair often do so because of emotional needs rather than physical ones. For men, it is usually the need to feel appreciated, respected, and valued that leads to an affair; whereas for women, it’s the drive to feel heard, loved, and cherished.”

Michigan-based pastor Kevin DeYoung says, “The Bible often associates the pursuit of beauty with womanhood and the pursuit of strength with manhood... God directs women to embrace the true beauty of godly character, and he directs men to embrace the true strength of noble courage and self-sacrifice.” 

 

Verse 33 suggests that the sense of the word ‘submit’ is much more about respect than subservience or just having to do as you're told.’

 

The word ‘respect’ carries no sense of inferiority. Submission means praying for and encouraging the one God has called to headship, and having an inclination to be a suitable helper and constant support, and a disinclination to undermine or be argumentative.

 

Of course, no couple will agree on everythingBut to submit is to delight in godly initiative, to esteem, to have a disposition to show honour.

 

I need to say too that submission, in particular that of a wife to her husband, can never be absolute. Christ alone deserves unqualified allegiance, whether we are male or female, single or married. 

 

So, though we are instructed in the Bible to submit to earthly authority, in Acts 5 when they told the apostles to stop speaking about Jesus, Peter said, “No, we must obey God rather than human beings.”

 

Paul says, “submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.” So a wife who is being led by her husband into sin and disobedience to God must, with all due respect, firmly say no

 

So when Paul says, “wives should submit to their husbands in everything” he doesn’t mean “follow them meekly into evil and wickedness and rebellion against God.” 


He means, “wivesincline yourselves to respect your husbands as part of your devotion to Christ, and not only when you feel like it.” 

 

Husbands

 

Well, what about husbands? 

 

Orthodox Jewish men in Paul’s day, typically regarded women with condescension, even contempt. Women were not seen as people so much as property, a social convention that Jesus totally ignored. 

 

Every day, a Pharisee would thank God that he had not been born a Gentile, a slave, or a woman. No wonder Jesus was always clashing with the Pharisees and warned people about them. 

 

In a place like Ephesus which was substantially Gentile in makeup, marriage as an exclusive, loving and permanent partnership between one man and one woman was unheard of. 

 

The Greco-Roman world was institutionally adulterous. Married men expected their wives to run the home and raise their legitimate children, while they openly and shamelessly played the field with a string of mistresses. No one was shocked, least of all their wives at home. It came with the territory. 

 

This, then, is the background into which Paul penned these words. 

 

Well, if wives have the sometimes challenging calling of submitting to their very imperfect husbands, for husbands it’s mission impossible - loving their wives “just as Christ loved the Church sets the bar as high as it can go

 

Twice Paul calls for wives to submit to their husbands, but three times he tells husbands to love their wives.

 

The novelist Marie Corelli said, “I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home that serve the same purpose as a husband. The dog growls every morning, the parrot swears all afternoon and the cat comes home late every night!

 

sometimes wonder if some women object to the idea of submission because they have never seen any husband love his wife like the Lord loves us

 

And if every wife was married to a godly, attentive, loving man, willing to suffer for her, ready to lay down his life for her, would she find submission so problematic

Baptist pastor John Piper put it this way; “I have never met a woman who chafes under Christlike leadership. But I know of too many wives who are unhappy, because their husbands have abdicated their God-ordained leadership and have no moral vision, no spiritual conception of what a family is for and therefore no desire to lead anyone anywhere.” 

It’s why, husbands, God gives headship in marriage to you, to take the weight of spiritual initiative and responsibility. This is why, when Eve was deceived to take the forbidden fruit, God held Adam accountable. Had he taken his headship role seriously, he would have protected his wife and told the serpent to get lost. But instead he was spineless and passive.

A few years ago, Kathie and I went to the Titanic Museum in Belfast. The last thing you see before the gift shop and exit door is a huge wall with every name of everyone who perished in that disaster printed on it. It helps you see the scale of the tragedy. 

When the Titanic sank, 20% of the men on board were saved. For the women, it was 74%. Of the 1,500 fatalities, 1,350 were men. Many men drowned in the frozen sea, having first ensured the women made it into the lifeboats. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her.”

 

How did Christ love the church? He poured out his earthly life teaching, healing and caring for his church. He didn’t flinch to go and face his enemies on behalf of his church. He agonised in prayer all night to preserve his church. He endured hell’s fury and the wrath of God against sin on the cross to save his church.


Husbands and future husbands - that’s the model of servant leadership God calls you to. Loving your bride, and relentlessly laying down your life for her, like Christ did for us, that’s the standard. Love your wives like that. 

 

Leave, unite, become one 

 

In v31 Paul points back to Genesis 2.24, a verse Jesus quoted when he was questioned about the permanence of marriage. “A man will leave his father and mother, be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 

 

In 21 simple words, this verse simultaneously rules out polygamy, polyandry, incest, unmarried cohabitation, so-called open marriage and so-called same-sex marriage. 

 

But more than that telling us what marriage isn’t, it tells us what it is. 

 

Firstly, leave your father and mother. Some couples never cut the emotional umbilical cord with their parents

 

Sometimes it’s because husband and wife default to mum or dad for affirmation and affection instead of each other. Other times it’s because well-meaning in-laws interfere and the new couple don’t set boundaries. God says, “You’ve got to leave your father and mother.” 

 

Secondly, be united to one another. Some couples struggle to bond at a soul level with one another. They never communicate deeply or resolve conflicts healthily. They live at an emotional and romantic distance and drift apart. God says, “You’ve got to become united to one another. 

The Greek word translated “be united to” (in the King James Bible the word is “cleave”) means to be joined together. God’s purpose for marriage is like two pages being stuck together with glue. And when you tear them apart you don’t tear the glue, you tear the paper.

 

Thirdly, become one flesh. Two incompatible individuals become one, no longer dependent on parents, but bonded together as soul mates, and enjoying intimacy as man and wife.

 

Ending

 

Sowhat does it mean in v32 when it says, “this is a profound mystery, but I am talking about Christ and the church”?

 

It seems Paul goes right back to the first book of the Bible and this foundational verse on marriage, and says, “I can see Jesus here.”

 

Should that surprise us? Jesus said, “the Old Testament scriptures testify about me.” The whole Bible is about Jesus.

 

But it’s a mystery,” says Paul. There’s a hidden meaning in here. There’s a deeper spiritual significance if you have eyes to see it. “This is really about Christ,” he says. 

 

And when you look carefully, there he is, in sharp focus; a son who leaves his Father’s home in heaven to come all the way here to this earth to seek a bride. 

 

He sees us and loves us like a bridegroom sees and loves his radiant bride as she walks up the aisle, resplendent, on her wedding day. 

 

Let’s gladly submit our lives to him - as the bride he loves, and clings to, and protects, and cares for, and laid down his life for, and has solemnly promised to never leave or forsake. 

 

Oh, what a delight to belong to Christ and to know for all eternity that his banner over us is love.

 

Let’s stand to pray…



Sermon preached at King's Church Darlington, 3 May 2026.