Sex and Faith

Well, what an honour and privilege to be the first ever male speaker at the annual Arise Ladies’ Night Out.

I suspect I may earn the distinction of also being the last, but I do admire you for taking the risk.

I’ve never been an after-dinner speaker before but I’ve heard that the polite custom is to ask the organiser if there is any particular subject the audience might like the speech to be about.

The novelist George Bernard Shaw was once invited to do an after-dinner speech on the subject of sex. So when the moment arrived, he stood up and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure…” and then sat down again!

I thought I should speak to you tonight on the same subject.

When I say “sex” I actually mean it in the sense it is used on your birth certificate or passport. I mean “male and female.”

In equality legislation, sex is a protected characteristic which means that men and women have identical rights in law. We are of course equal.

But men and women are I believe also different from each other in a number of very important ways.

For example, it’s often said that men just don’t listen.

Even when I was a boy, my mum used to say to me that I have two faults; not listening and… errr… something else.

Just the other day, Kathie said to me, “John, you’re not even listening are you?” I thought, that’s a funny way to start a conversation…

Women on the other hand, I have observed, are excellent listeners.

Our roles in human reproduction are perhaps the most obvious difference. Women alone have the awesome privilege of carrying and giving birth to children.

Essential difference is genetically engineered in every cell of our bodies. As I like to put it, X is not Y and Y is not X. You can say what you like, but your sex is your sex.

We are anatomically different of course. Bone density and muscle mass in males and females are not the same and, though you can always find exceptions, the male body plan tends to be somewhat angular while the female version is usually more curved.

This may or may not be true, but recent government data has suggested that women who put on weight are 98% more likely to live longer than the men who point it out.

My friend's wife bought a dress with a map of India printed on it. She put it on and asked him, "Does Mumbai look big in this?"

Cambridge Psychology professor Simon Barron-Cohen argues from his extensive research that on average women tend to be better empathisers and men are better systemisers, and that this comes from differences in the way male and female brains are wired.

This explains why we have agony aunts but not agony uncles. If you had agony uncles, it would be like this…

Dear Phil. I went to work last week and after a mile my car stalled and wouldn't start. I walked back home and found my wife kissing the postman. I’m desperate. Can you help?

Dear Reader. The most common cause of vehicles breaking down in the first mile is dirt in the fuel pump. A quick flush with WD-40 should do the trick. You’re welcome.

In my opinion, women are usually much more practical than men, they have more common sense.

I mean, when Kathie was giving birth to our daughter, the nurse said, “What about epidural anaesthesia?” Kathie nodded, but I said, “I’ll handle this. Thanks, nurse, but we’ve already picked names for the baby.”

A long time ago, in the days before Facebook and texting, a young man and his fiancée used to write each other love letters every day.

They lived some distance away and whenever they met up, they talked about everything they had written.

He said, “When I get a letter from you, I always kiss the back of the envelope before I open it because I love to think how your soft lips touched it before you put it in the post.”

She blushed and looked very embarrassed. He said, “What’s wrong?” She said, “Actually, I moisten the envelope flap on the dog’s nose!”

There is no story in the Bible where a woman’s practical common sense is more obvious than the one people think a lot about at this time of year, where the angel announces to Mary that she has been chosen to give birth to the Messiah.

He gets really carried away. “You will conceive and give birth to a son, You are to call him Jesus [which means saviour]. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of Israel’s greatest king, David, and he will rule and reign forever And oh, his kingdom [takes deep breath of awe and wonder] will never end.”

And Mary very sensibly says, “Look, this is all very well but I have never had sexual intercourse in my life, how do you think this is going to work?”

I was reading Matthew’s Gospel earlier this year and I noticed something I had never seen before. No less than five times in that Gospel, Jesus speaks to his male disciples and says, “Oh, you of little faith.”

But in chapter 15, he goes on tour and meets a woman. A foreigner. Poor. Desperately anxious about a disturbed and troubled daughter. At her wits’ end. She actually makes a bit of a scene. She kneels before him, looks him in the eye and says, “Lord, help me!”

And I love this; she doesn’t let Jesus go until she gets what she asks for. In stark contrast to what Jesus says to his men, “Oh, you of little faith, how long must I put up with you?” Jesus looks at her and says, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her sick daughter is healed at that very moment.

Ladies, likewise you all have huge potential and capacity for great faith.

Jesus notices your faith. He commends it. He loves it. And he wants to act on it. Let the lioness within you roar! Change the world.

After Dinner Speech at Ladies' Night Out, 26 November 2021