Have you
ever wondered why, even with the risen Christ right before their eyes, some
disciples doubted?
This is how
the end of Matthews Gospel reads:
And then
the 11 disciples went to Galilee to the mountain where Jesus had told them to
go. When they saw him they worshiped him but some
doubted. Then Jesus came to them and said, all authority on earth has been
given to me; therefore go make disciples of all nations baptizing them in the
name of the Father and of the son and of the Holy Spirit and teaching them to
obey everything I have commanded you; and surely I am with you always to the
very end of the age.
We can
understand why the disciples worshiped Jesus as it says in verse 17. He was
their risen Lord, triumphant over death and glorious conqueror of the
grave. He was the champion and hero of heaven. He was back from the
dead, just as he said.
But not
everyone worshiped. We are told that some actually doubted. Have you ever
wondered why that is? Why did some doubt?
Perhaps
Jesus was some distance away and they could not really see his face clearly
enough to distinguish that it was really him.
Maybe they
were just very confused about everything that had happened in such a short
space of time and just had not yet fully processed it all.
Perhaps
people wondered if it was some sort of scam or brilliant illusion. Like when
you see Dynamo or John Archer or some other magician performing a trick; you know
it can’t be real and you spend your time wondering how did he do that?
Maybe this
is why some people doubted. They just thought “there has to be a catch.”
There is
further evidence in the other gospels that people doubted that Jesus was alive after
his death.
In Luke‘s
Gospel it says that when Jesus appeared to them “they still did not believe it
because of joy and amazement.” Luke seems to be saying they just found it
too good to be true.
And there
is of course the famous story where Thomas doubts the other disciples'
testimony in John's Gospel. “No! I don’t think so! Unless I see the nail
marks in his hands and feet and the spear mark in his side, forget it, I do not
believe you.” he says.
But at the
end of Matthew’s Gospel, the passage I read just now, the word translated
“doubted” (distazo) is an unusual one. In fact, in the New
Testament, this word occurs only here and in one other place - which is also in
Matthew’s Gospel. I wonder if you can guess where... Well, I’ll tell
you.
Do you
remember the bit when Jesus walks on water? There he is, taking a stroll
on the Sea of Galilee. The disciples are freaked out. But Peter says,
“Lord, if it’s you tell me to come to you on the water.” And Jesus says,
“come, Peter.” So Peter thinks, “Oh no! Why did I just say that?” But he
leaves the boat and begins to walk towards Jesus.
It starts
really well. But then he begins to sink. Jesus quickly reaches out a
hand and saves him from drowning. When they are all back in the boat
afterwards Jesus says to him, “you of little faith, why did you
doubt?” There it is again, this same word (distazo) - “doubt.”
So distazo
does not mean stubborn hard-heartedness, a stiff-necked refusal to
believe. After all, Peter had the faith to actually leave the boat and he
started to walk on water. That's more faith than I’ve got!
This word
must mean something a bit more like hesitation or indecision. It’s faith -
but faith in two minds. Peter can see Jesus in front of him but he can
also see the waves and feel the wind. He starts to think about how cold
the water is, about how deep it is, about how he cannot swim, about how death
by drowning could be seconds away.
Hesitation
and fear are very different to cynical unbelief and scepticism.
So here, at
the end of Matthew’s Gospel, where it says “some doubted”, it means there was
indecision, there was hesitation, uncertainty; people were just not quite sure
yet what to make of what they saw.
It’s not
like they did not want to believe. They did. It’s just that what was before
their eyes was so out of the ordinary, so unexpected, so beyond their wildest
imagination that they struggled to find a section for it in the filing cabinet
of their minds.
Maybe that
is what doubt feels like for us some of the time. But Jesus makes us a
beautiful promise in this passage. Twice in Matthew’s Gospel (the one where Jesus is described as Immanuel - God with us) Jesus
promises that his presence will be with us.
The first
time is when he says “where two or three are gathered together in my name there
am I in the midst.”
And the
second time is right here, at the end of the Gospel, where he says “Go - and I
will be with you always even to the end of the age.”
Jesus
promises to be with us when we gather in his name, (even when
it is just a few of us, even over Facebook or Zoom).
And Jesus
promises to be with us when we go in his name, even when we
are hesitant and uncertain.
Brief online talk, 23 April 2020
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