Godly Wisdom - Friendship (Proverbs 12.26, 14.95, 17.17, 18.24, 20.21, 22.11, 23.20-21, 27.6 and 27.9)

Introduction

I’m going to start by reading three short quotes about friendship. One is from John Lennon, one is from Jennifer Aniston and one is from Winnie the Pooh. See if you can guess which quote belongs to which personality…

Quote number 1: “There's nothing like a really loyal, dependable, good friend. Nothing.”

Quote number 2: “If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you.”

And quote number 3: “Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it’ll always get you the right ones.”

Well, I’ll put you out of your misery. The first was Jennifer Aniston. The second was Winnie the Pooh.

So the third was John Lennon. It’s weird that John Lennon’s parents named their son after an airport in Liverpool isn’t? But maybe that’s why his band took off…

Friendship has taken on a new dimension since social media became a thing hasn’t it? I checked last week and found to my amazement that I have 770 friends. And that’s just the ones who use Facebook.

I felt really well-liked and popular, but this morning when I checked again, guess what? The number has gone down to 769. Somebody has unfriended me. Raise your hand if it was you!

Somebody has thought to himself or herself this week, “Right, I’m removing John Lambert from my life - in one click. I don’t really care what he’s doing, his posts are annoying, and I don’t want him looking into my world anymore. Unfriend. There, that’s better!” I think I need counselling after that…

Friendship in the World and the Church

There’s an old African proverb, not in the Bible but wise advice that says, “If you want to go quickly, you travel alone, but if you want to go far, then you must travel together.”

The world has a lot to say about friendship, and so does God in the Bible.

In the Old Testament, both Abraham and Moses were called a friend of God. I wonder what it was about their life that people thought that is what they should be called? Would you call yourself a friend of God?

Friendship is a recurring theme in the Book of Proverbs, as we’ll see shortly.

When we get to the New Testament, we cannot fail to notice that Jesus built his whole ministry on friendship and community. He ate and drank with people every day and was sneeringly called “a friend of tax collectors and sinners.”

When he healed a paralysed man he said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.”

He said to his disciples, “I no longer call you servants; I have called you friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.”

Even Judas, the traitor, the thief, the defector, at the very moment when he was about to walk out and betray him, Jesus looked at him and said, “What you are about to do, do it quickly, friend.”

My mum used to take me to church when I was growing up and we used to go in, say the mass, and then go home again, having had zero human contact with anyone. That was it. Nothing more was expected. No one even really looked at each other. There was just no concept at all of fellowship or community.

But in the New Testament era Peter, Paul, John, Jude and the writer of Hebrews all address members of the churches they write to in their letters as “my dear friends.”

You see, friendship is central to building strong and healthy churches. Friendship is key. The Californian megachurch pastor Rick Warren once said, “People are not looking for a friendly church. They are looking for a church where they can make friends.”

In other words, people don’t want to belong to a church that’s all talk and big smiles. Every church likes to think it’s warm and welcoming. But people are looking for more than a handshake at the door when they come in; they want friendship, relationship and companionship – other people with whom they can do life.

Proverbs on Friendship

If you’ve been away over the last couple of weeks, we’ve been looking at the Book of Proverbs in the Bible and we’ve seen that it’s a practical book of Godly wisdom for everyday life.

Proverbs are perceptive but common-sense observations about the way life works out most of the time. As we saw a couple of weeks ago, you can always find rare exceptions, but exceptions make the rule. 99 times out of 100, things go a certain way.

The Proverbs teach that generally speaking, on the whole, things tend to work out OK for wise people who work hard, who watch their words, who are prudent with money, who eat and drink in moderation, and who make moral choices according to the Maker’s Instructions.

And if an entire country is led to live righteously that nation will tend to prosper and thrive. That’s why in Proverbs 14 it says, “Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.”

You can usually tell which countries are enjoying God’s favour and which are under his judgment by assessing how stable they are and noting what sort of standards are held in honour. I’ll leave you to make up your own mind about where you think we are at the moment.

It’s not a coincidence that the fortunes of Israel were at their height during the reign of David, their best king; a flawed king certainly, but the one with a heart for God.

Solomon, his heir who wrote many of these Proverbs down, spoke them as fatherly advice to his son. Which is ironic as Solomon didn’t really listen to his own dad, King David. Instead, the generation after Solomon followed his lead; there was civil war and idolatry and after a few hundred years Israel lost everything.

“Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people.”

But we’re looking at Proverbs on the theme of friendship today. And there’s quite a lot in there about that subject.

I’m going to list five qualities of a good friend; a good friend is frank with you, gives you good advice, cares about you, inspires you and is always there for you. I’ve alliterated them as candour, counsel, care, character and constancy.

I want you to ask God two questions as I go through this list. The first question is “Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?” And the second is “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

1. Candour

The first quality of a good friend, I’ll call candour. A good friend will tell you the truth and be frank with you, even if it’s hard to say and painful to hear.

Proverbs 27.6 says, “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”

That verse always reminds me of Judas…

If you’ve ever had to have surgery, you know that it’s a very uncomfortable experience. You have to have anaesthetic, which is no small matter. You are sliced open with a sharp knife. Your internal organs are messed about with. They stitch you, or staple you, back together. Then, you are sore for days, sometimes weeks.

But a surgeon, cuts you not to harm you but to heal you, and real friends are not afraid to do likewise. True friends love you too much to watch you make a mess of your life so they are able to be brutally honest with you.

John Wimber used to say, “One question you never want to ask God is, ‘what’s wrong with me?’ – because he’ll tell you.” That’s because he loves you.

What a friend we have in Jesus; Jesus didn’t pamper or indulge his disciples. When it was necessary, he set them right. He didn’t get angry with them, but he did tell them the uncomfortable truth about themselves, even if it stung at times.

“Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?” “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

2. Counsel

Secondly, counsel - a good friend will give you valuable advice.

Proverbs 27.9 says, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice.”

Someone I know accompanied a friend of his, who was a new Christian, to the hospital – and he’d never been in before so he was a bit nervous. He was given a form to fill in which asked “What religion are you?” Well, he wasn’t into all these Catholic, Church of England or Methodist labels. He said, “I’m just a Christian” and he didn’t really know which box to tick.

So he asked his friend, “What do you think I should put?” His friend said, “My advice is to check out the chaplaincy team on the hospital website and either write down the religion of the one who looks most likely to cheer you up in the Lord, or the one who most looks like he needs witnessing to!” That’s good advice.

Kathie is invaluable for advice. She just has a sixth sense for the right thing to do. Should I phone? Should I phone now, even though it’s late? Would a card be better? Is this card appropriate? Do you think I should wear a tie? Flowers, chocolates or a bottle of wine? What do you think? She saves me from a million calamities. 

Actually, she accidentally slammed the car boot on my head on Friday, so she creates the odd calamity as well, but it’s a small price to pay…

What a friend we have in Jesus; they came to him all confused in private and asked him stuff and he patiently set them right.

“Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?” “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

3. Care

Thirdly, care - a good friend will have your best interests at heart.

Proverbs 12.26 says, “The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

Good friends inspire you and improve you because they want what’s good for you and, because they care about you and take an interest in you; you matter to them.

Other friends will just lead you astray. They don’t really care about you at all. 

What a friend we have in Jesus; he cared about the leper, about the woman caught in adultery, about the blind beggar, about the widow about to bury her son, and everybody else. He looked out on the crowds and had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd.

“Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?” “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

4. Character

Fourthly, character – a good friend’s better qualities will rub off on you.

How many times has it been said in a court of law, “Your honour, it all started when I fell into the wrong crowd”?

Proverbs 23.20-21 says, “Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags.”

The friends we choose have a significant impact on us, for better or for worse. My parents used to smile when I brought home friends who they thought would be a good influence on me.

But, as it says in 1 Corinthians, “bad company corrupts good character.” Once, when I was about 16, I graffitied an entire train carriage with a mate of mine. I never would have done that alone, or with any of my better friends. So most of the time my parents would frown because they saw the kids I hung out with as a bad influence on me.

What a friend we have in Jesus; on the very last night before he died, he looked back over the three years he had spent with his disciples and he said to them, “You have already been pruned and purified by the word I have spoken to you.”

His character rubbed off on them so much so that several weeks later when they were turning Jerusalem upside down, people said, “Ah, these people have been with Jesus.”

“Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?”  “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

5. Constancy

And the fifth quality of a good friend is constancy - a good friend will be there for you in trouble and not let you down.

Proverbs 17.17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”

A young woman who had just come to faith asked the great Victorian preacher C.H. Spurgeon, “How many of my friends should I give up now I am a believer?” He said, “Don’t bother, they’ll give up on you soon enough.”

I lost quite a few of my friends pretty quickly after I became a Christian. I must be honest and admit that I was very full of zeal and a bit insensitive as a new believer. So, it was largely my fault.

But the best friends are loyal and stick by you. They don’t give up on you. They believe in you. Even if you disappoint them, they forgive you and restore you. True, deep, real friendships are a fantastic defence in times of discouragement.

Proverbs 18.24 says, “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

If you know the Bible well, think of David and Jonathan or Ruth and Naomi; deep supportive friendships; nothing could separate them.

And what a friend we have in Jesus; his last words to his followers in Matthew’s Gospel were, “I will be with you till the end of the age.”

“Lord, what sort of friend do you want me to be?” “Lord, who are you calling me to befriend?”

Ending

As I close, I want to mention a man called Dale Carnegie, who developed training courses in interpersonal skills. He had a lot to say about how you make friends and influence people. In fact, he wrote a book called exactly that, and I’m sure you’ve heard of it.

One of the things he said is, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Now, that’s not in the Bible, but it’s wise advice. You take an interest in others, instead of being absorbed in your own world, and you watch how your friendships grow and deepen.

Jesus exemplifies that. However stretched he was, he always seemed to have time for people. Wealthy people like Levi, beggars like Bartimaeus, whores like Mary Magdalene, crooks like Zacchaeus, intellectuals like Nicodemus, Romans like the centurion, widows, children, labourers, lawyers… you name it…

What sort of friend does God want you to be? Who is he calling you to befriend?

Proverbs 22.11; “One who loves a pure heart and who speaks with grace will have the king for a friend.” Maybe even the King of kings…

Let’s pray…

Sermon preached at All Saints Preston on Tees, 24 March 2019