The Sunshine of Married Love (Colossians 3.12-17)

On the happy occasion of Sarah and Anthony's marriage

Well, Mr and Mrs Barker – that sounds weird doesn’t it? But it won’t take you long to get used to it. Anyway, congratulations to you both.

You’re people who know a bit about the world, you certainly travel a lot, so I thought it might be good to have a general knowledge quiz. And the quiz is specifically about how much you generally know one another. How well do you think you know each other?

So here’s what we’re going to do. You each have two shoes, your own shoe and one of your spouse’s. I want you to face away from each other and hold up the shoe of the person you think I am talking about.

For example if I ask “who buys the best presents?” if Anthony thinks Sarah does, he has to lift up Sarah’ shoe. If he thinks he is the better present buyer, he has to lift up his own shoe – and likewise for Sarah. And we’ll all see how well you think you know each other and have a good laugh at your expense.

So are you ready? O.K.

Who is the best cook?

Who’s the better driver?

Who’s the first one to get up in the morning?

Who spends the most time in front of the mirror?

Who’s in charge of the TV remote?

Who talks the most?

Who’s the most likely to get lost?

Who’s the most likely to ask for directions?

Who spends the most time getting ready to go out?

Who was the first to say “I love you”?

Who’s the first one to make up after an argument?

Who started the argument in the first place?

And finally, who do you love the most in the whole wide world?

OK, very good… No you can turn round.

Now Anthony and Sarah have only been married a few minutes so this is a quiz for all the other married couples here today. Three questions then, and you only have to basically answer yes or no. No sitting on the fence. Are you ready?

Firstly, raise your hand please if you are, or ever have been, married. Thank you. Now please keep your hand raised if you think that marriage is always really easy…

OK, you can put your hands down now. I think we’ll have to conclude from this unscientific survey that (depending on the response...)

marriage is not easy at all (lots of hands drop)

the jury is out -either that or that there are a lot of liars here today! (mixed)

there are a lot of liars here! (lots of hands stay up)

Secondly, raise your hands please if you think that marriage is a foretaste of heaven...

Well going on the feedback I’ve had from couples just back from honeymoon (and I have to say, they don’t go into much detail) I’d have to say it certainly can be. I have been married for 31 years now, same as Sarah's parents) and I think I would agree. So marriage certainly can be a foretaste of heaven.

Thirdly, and I’m not going to take a vote on this one - you'll see why, is your marriage hell on earth? Tragically, I’d have to conclude from my conversations with some married people that once again, it can be.

Marriage can be a foretaste of heaven but the truth is that it can be hell on earth. Today is a sunny day but the forecast for tomorrow is for clouds and rain. It is no more possible to have a marriage that is 365 days a year of bubbly happiness that it is to have a year in Britain of warm sunshine and no rain at all. In all marriages 'the weather' is a mixed picture over the long term.

Anthony and Sarah; I’ll be honest with you, yours, like everyone else’s, can go either way. That's the bad news. The good news is that God has given you everything you need for it to be a foretaste of heaven so you have it in your power to make your marriage turn out well. It's all about the values that you choose to sustain your relationship.

No one wants to be unhappy together. Les Dawson once said, “People ask me what’s the secret of a good marriage? So I say that my wife and I go out to a restaurant twice a week, have a candlelit dinner, with soft music, and a slow walk home. She goes on Tuesdays and I go on Fridays!”

I'm sure you want more happiness than that. So how are you going to keep the romance, the harmony, the enjoyment alive in your marriage so that instead of it being hell on earth it’s a foretaste of heaven?

What makes for a happy and harmonious marriage? It just so happens that the reading you chose gives us the answer.

It says, “Clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

I was reading some statistics about marriage this week. Apparently, on average, getting married in Britain last year cost £22,000. (It actually only costs about 1.5% of that sum to get married legally but a lot of people obviously like to spend money a party). And then the article said this; “It doesn't matter how much money you spend on a ceremony, if the right foundations aren't in place then the whole relationship will crumble.” I agree.

You’re all dressed up today because you want to look your best. It’s a special occasion. This is not a day for scruffy t-shirts and ripped jeans. So when the Bible says “clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” it means let those things be what everyone sees when they look at you.

In a marriage relationship those qualities (compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience) are a bit like bridges that join you together.

If, when you look at each other every day, you see someone who is kind and patient you will build strong bridges that will join you together. The opposites of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience are indifference, unkindness, self-importance, harshness and impatience. When husbands and wives are uncaring, unkind and harsh towards each other they take bricks out of the bridge, one by one. You can’t see how much the bridge is weakening when it's just one brick at a time but one thing is for sure; one day it’ll collapse altogether.

The reading also says, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Jesus, on the cross, said "Father forgive them because they don't really know what they're doing." A lot of marriages go sour because people upset each other, then won’t say sorry or can’t forgive.

One of the greatest practical challenges you'll ever face living under the same roof is a blocked drain. I've had to sort a few out in my time. First of all, a kitchen sink blockage. You try boiling water, a plunger, D-stop and nothing works. The worst kind is a mains drain. You go outside, take the cover off try poking about with sticks - then you call in the professionals. Drains have to be cleared. 

In the same way, unresolved anger and unhealed hurt is like a blocked drain in a marriage. It takes a lot to say “Sorry” and even more to say “I forgive you” but those words are often heard in happy, stable homes where God is at the heart.

And the Bible reading ends by saying “Over all these virtues (compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness) put on love which binds them all together in perfect unity.

In any marriage the one thing that keeps it all together is love.

For richer, for poorer; whether you prosper financially or struggle with the bills...

For better, for worse; whether baby sleeps through the night from day one or hardly at all for two years...

In sickness and in health; whether you’re in and out of hospital or running marathons for fun...

Love and cherish one another – and may God go with you and stay with you right ’til the end of your days.

Well, you’re off to the other side of the world I believe. Perth, the capital of Western Australia, is the sunniest capital city in the world, with an average of 8 hours per day sunshine 365 days per year. Isn’t that wonderful?

But it’s also the most isolated capital city in the world, miles from anywhere. 

So, as you move on, my prayer for you is that you will never become isolated from one another’s affections as the Lord God brings the permanent sunshine of his blessing into your married life.

Sermon preached at Saint Peter's Wolviston, 9th August 2014